Second Chances
by Sweetened-With-Love
Summary: When life gives you a second chance, you should dive right into it. However, for some, a second chance has far more scarier outcomes then being stuck in the rut of a ruined first. (Pairing: KevEdd- More info inside)
1. Preface - First Chance

**_Gift To_****: **This is a gift to all you; KevEdd fans!, KevR!EddKev fans, NatKevNat fans, NazMar fans

**_Dedicated To_****: Saltymarshmallows** aka _Salty, _**C2ndy2c1d** aka _Acid, _**Asphyxion** aka _Asphy_, **_Everyonewantsthedthedoubled_**_ aka D&DD_

**_Special thanks to:_**

**_Salty;_** for inspiring me and keeping on encouraging me to continue.

**_Asphy & Acid;_** for allowing me to use their wonderful characters as well as encourage me to start.

**_My Lovely Risa_**; for sticking through my grumbling, rants and requests to look over things to explain my mistakes & praise my strengths.

Lastly, **_Jack Cline_;** for finding the wonderful preface song & help edit.

**Main Characters: **Kevin Barr, Eddward Double D Rockwell, Jim Barr,Nathan Kedd Goldberg

**Side Characters:** Nazz, r!Plank Terwood, r!Marie Kanker, Eddy

**Character Mentions: **Mother&Father De Vere (D's Birthparents), Gustave Eiffel (D's Mother's Boyfriend), Momma&Father Terwood (D's Foster Parents), Sarah, Jimmy, Johnny, Ed

**Past Mentions, for Plot: **Roxy Spark (Jim's Birthmom), Dad & Mom Barr (Kev's Parents), Jasmine Dakota (Journalist covering D's past), Ai (911 Operator),

**Main Pairings:** Alpha Kevedd; Rev!Eddward x Kevin

**Side Pairing Hints/Mentions: **KevRox, NatKev, NazMar, Plank x r!Edd

**Rating: **The story's content is considered "adult", you little people have been warned!

**To Be Expected: **Drug Use/Talk, Wild Party, Rehab, Child Abuse, Child Molestation, Teen Pregnancy, Kevin as a daddy

**Genre: **Non-Teen Fiction, Non-fiction, Shounen-ai, Drama, Romance, Hurt & Comfort, Crime, Family

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of these characters;

Double D, Kevin, Nazz, Kev&D's parents are Eene's,

R!Eddward, R!Plank & R!Marie are Asphy's

Nat, Ai & Jim are Acid's.

**Except for; **Roxy, Jasmine D, Gustave E, Random people in chapter's with no names, Terwood Parents are Mine (The-Sweetest-things)

-I make no money from this story; I'm just creating these stories to entertain myself and (hopefully) y'all.

**Things To Know:** There have been some Anon that have asked about the Child molestation and if it will be something big in the story. NO, it won't be. So, please don't worry, that's not the point of this story. In chapter five there is mention of it in newspaper clippings Kevin receives from Eddy in an envelope, but that's it.

*Words in Italic are pieces from a essay Kevin wrote with the help of Edd right before he left. NOT lyrics to any song.

* * *

**_(Preface Song; '_**_Second Chance'_- Shinedown**)**

_"When a chance first blooms it is often concentrated pure luck and are notorious for fizzing out, derailing after their timer has run out."_

The existence of what was about to have a play in my life had started long before I was born. However, the origin of new feelings I was bombarded with was thanks to a not so ordinary day in our lovely cul-de-sac when we received an unwelcomed guest only known as Eddy's big brother. After that day, we had somehow all been brought closer in some way or form. It just-so-happened my bond with my new change was with none other than my childhood tormentor Kevin Barr, the cool kid on the block.

_"This is because our mind automatically is set to think that the chance presented before us will always be there another day."_

At first it was nothing special, just simple greetings here and there and spared bodily harm when Eddy pissed him off. Then, without my consent, it bloomed into Kevin coming by for spontaneous talks that created leaflets along my clear stream of group time with my best friends. I could have intercepted the route in which we were headed. Nevertheless, I allowed it to progress further.

_"And by the time we either realize that we are on a timer or we have come up with the answer, it's already too late and that chance is no longer there before us."_

I had arranged a method in which any and all of my family's dark secrets stayed our dark secrets, so I never had to see the scrutiny of pity in the gaze of those individuals around me. It was just another assortment of things to give them to judge me apart. However, it seemed life had a thing for playing with my perfect planning. That night, which changed everything, the doorbell rang at that ungodly hour; I simply believed it to be a drunken Kevin after a party, needing to crash. I never expected to open that door to my abusive, drunken mother on the other side.

_"For the most part this chance slips past us without our knowing. Why others are forced to watch their first chance slip past their fingers."_

It had been easy to predict the thoughts and actions of my drunken mother, whom sustains resentment to my very being and much more, since I was standing between her and her next drink. It was sufficient enough. I had come to terms with the blows afflicted upon my being only hurt as much as I believed them to. The sooner you give in and stop fighting, the sooner your mind numbs and the battle is over.

_"We then line up like lambs for the psychic slaughter, by automatically agreeing we should settle for what we have, there's no hope for overcoming our current situation."_

I, however, did not predict that Mother would pick up the empty wine bottle in her fury. One would think that moment would be the appropriate time to fight back- I, on the other hand, saw it as a way out, and closed my tired eyes. However, that last blow was not carried out; Kevin had interrupted mothers job at bring the bottle down with a cry of something I could not pick out in his voice. Knowing it was over for now, my body gave into the pain that I had ignored. It rushed into me full force and before the world could end I whispered, "Please, do not tell, Kev-"

_"You would think that as soon as that second chance of happiness reaches their miserable little life they dive head long into it. Sadly, this is not the truth for three out of the four, given it."_

When I finally come back to the world, I discovered I was not in the hospital as I feared. No, Kevin had heard my plea about keeping my matters private. He had not even informed Eddy or Ed, whom I definitely did not want knowing. Still, I could not understand why my life had been so important to him that he was willing to stick his neck out to save me, when I had already told life I was giving up.

_"This toxic opinion is the foundation of the apathy and denial that keeps us trapped in a life that so many of us are obviously not satisfied with."_

I was met with an enraged Kevin, but I decided to voice my question. He kept repeating the word 'idiot' in different ways. Kevin did not get why one would simply give up and allow life to end when they could have fought back. When I answered that question he got even angrier about the fact, and I had just accused him of being… Well, words I will not repeat. That I could ever think to believe that he walk away knowing I was in trouble! After this he got very quiet and did something I did not expect; he cried for my life.

_"In your own mind, you start to believe what society tells you: Everybody _knows_ that _this_ is just the way things are, and there is _nothing_ we can do, and so we _accept_ the fact."_

As time proceeded and my body healed, my secrets were kept safe upon sealed tongues. I went on with life. The only change was in Kevin, in his consent need to have eyes on me. If I wasn't glued to the hip of Eddy or Ed, he was glued to mine. Many nights he would sleep over, as if he owned the very place I lived. Mother never returned, most certainly scared out of her wits by Kevin, and so two months passed without incident and our lovely little middle school life was coming to a close.

_"For most, this demoralizing human way of thinking influences our own way of life, even for those that see it coming. It's like an avalanche; you hear it, you see it and you sure-as-hell fear it."_

I had fallen asleep outside of my normal routine, Kevin keeping me up well past a presentable time to assist him on his essay, entitled "Second Chances." He tucked me in like my guardian angel before leaving me to my dreams, which were not pleasant nightmares that left me wondering in the deepest darkest areas of the brain. Upon waking to reality, I became suddenly aware of something unwelcome looming around.

_"Nevertheless, no matter how fast you run, before you can take that last breath it buries you alive, and you're left to fall into the battle of our own inner demons as you let others tell you how to feel about yourself."_

That unwelcome feeling turned into a feeling of empty dread as I came down stairs to find my father casually sitting at the kitchen table. Making myself useful, I offered food and drink to him, which he kindly declined. Father had never spoken to me in words, only through an office fax once, stating that I would be moving to another town. He had never wanted anything to do with my mother and, in order to escape feeling responsible for what she was capable of doing to a little boy, simply did not come home.

_"At this point, everyone learns the second truth: pure luck will only take you so far and doing things alone can only go so far, before you're at your wits end."_

Without a care in the world, he states in a matter-of-fact tone that he had divorced my mother if that were not enough to rub salt in the wound; Father states, he is being remarried to a wonderful woman with beautiful children. Some of you might think I would state how sick I think he is at this point.

_"Second chances in life are rare- so much so that diving into them gets you further in life than if you were to stand back and keep making excuses to protect what little of your sanity you believe you have left."_

Instead, I smile and agree, even though I have no idea who she is or what they look like, because my mind was trying to get through the other words still spilling from smiling lips. I have two days to pack Mother's things and mine. I am moving to Blue Creek to start a wonderful new life with her boyfriend, yet I respond, "I could not be happier, Father."

_"So, when a second chance is thrust into your arms, hold onto it like your life depends on it, because in most cases it does…."_


	2. Old Memories & New Faces

**Character(s) in Chapter:** Kevin Barr, Jim Barr, Nathan Kedd Goldberg, Eddy, Nazz,

**Character Mention in Chapter:** Roxy Spark (Jim's Birth mom)

* * *

**(Chapter Song: **Coheed & Cambria - _'Dark Side Of Me'_**)**

_Even without having to guess or think about it, I know who it was when they said, "phone call." There was only three people who ever bothered to call me and both of them had already called this week. As of matter-of-fact don't even ask me about thinking to be truthfully honest. When you are locked up even for a week in a room the size of a shoebox with only an hour for free time or lunch, there really isn't anything to do other than think. Unless you are looking for trouble and trouble was not what I was looking for in here._

_"Yo, Kevin speaking."_

_I was a little surprised to hear sobbing, from the other end of the line so I know something wasn't right, even before her sickly sweet voice spoke up. Heck, even crying wouldn't have given me the sign that something was wrong, just the little punk bitch yelling shit in the background was enough to know shit was going to be rough. Though, I couldn't say I wasn't a bit arrogant or that I was feeling sorry for what I had done. I was in here for a damn good reason and I was feeling happy despite the reasons. I mean who wouldn't be after hearing you put your now X's home wrecker in his place and sent to the hospital for a week with a broken jaw, busted lip, busted teeth, fractured arm, bruises like a bus hit him. I was dam-'WHAT!'_

_"What the hell are you saying Rox?"_

_I couldn't fuckin' believe I was hearing this shit. Did she question my manhood? What a low blow she was hitting, treating me like I was her no good little punk ass bitch she'd cheated on me with._

_"Even if it wasn't mine … you know I love him or her like they were."_

_It was good and bad that I wasn't having this face to face with her. Not seeing her made it easier to keep cool, yet this fat ass guard watching me was breathing down my fucking neck like some fucking pervert. That was slightly uncomfortable, all right more than slightly. It was bad enough you have to keep your guard up with the other inmates so that you weren't made somebody's bitch._

_"WHAT! We had this fucking discussion when you first told me you were pregnant."_

_This was beyond frustrating. It wasn't like I could really make her if she decided to not have it. She was the one having it, not me. But she committed the crime and now she had to do that time, wow that was cheesy. But her little bitch was threatening to leave her if she kept it. Something about not wanting kids._

_"Roxy … please, just go through with it. I promise I'll get out and I'll take the baby off your hands. You won't even have to deal with the it after it's born. I won't even ask for child support and I'll pay everything."_

_You could hear the glee in her voice as money and paying was being mentioned. How the hell did I ever fall for her even in the slightest…? Right, she was smart, skinny and reminded me of 'him', a bit, not saying anybody could be him. Except, once you get to know her she was a fucking evil, Money, money and fame bitch. That's all she gives a fuck about, yet I stuck around because I didn't care anymore. I had stopped caring after that day._

_"Yeah, even if it ain't mine."_

_I finally answered in defeat. I had won this time. I know she take me for everything before I got out. But as long as I got my kid I was fine, I'd pick back up again. I knew what 'he' says and I knew it was wrong to deny life to a kid who happen to be made at the wrong time._

_"I'd like that. It be nice to see the pictures since I'm stuck here. I promise I'll get out before the babies due and clean up."_

_It was the last thing I spoke to her over the phone about it. I was excited, but I was also scared as hell. Being a dad was a lot of responsibility for a single parent and I would have nobodies help, except for a couple of friends. My parents had given up on me and were disgusted with me for not only what I had become, but for coming out to them. They had even moved away leaving the house under my name that was the only nice thing they did. Now it was Nathan Kedd Goldberg my best friend's pad._

* * *

_"Fuck you Roxy Spark! Do you think I give a shit, he is just as much my son as yours!"_

_When I got out and cleaned up with a nice job, she had promised me my son. Now, I couldn't believe what the wrench had just said. It's not like she-_

_"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE! YOU DON'T EVEN WANT HIM! YOU ARE DOING THIS OUT OF SPIT Of ME."_

_I could feel the hot sting of tears burning the back of my eyes, but I refused to cry. I refused to let her win and weaken me. She was one of the many biggest mistakes I had ever made. However, unlike all the other shitty things I gave my wrong whole too, this one had ended with something beautifully created and unless I gave into what she wanted, she would take that all away and without mercy._

_"Fine … you win. Just give me my son … please, just let raise him, don't take him away from me Rox."_

_I'm sure Nat would let me move back in. I mean it was originally my place to begin with. Moving back to the old cul-de-sac couldn't be bad. It was just. I hadn't been living there since a month after that day. I couldn't stand seeing all of them move on, when he wasn't with us. How could you be happy living on when he could be being beaten as I sat there watching all them prance around talking happily like told times. It disgusted me to no end. All of them had made me sick and living right across from the constant reminder of my weakness and my mistake had crashed my solid world around me as it poured salt on wounds._

_'Fuck I need a drink. Where's my keys.'_

* * *

It wasn't the pounding on the door that woke me, but the sound of my sons screams that had. Ever since I had picked him up from his moms and brought him home he'd been terrified of the sound of loud knocks or pounding. Wither it be the front door or something that sounded like it. I couldn't figure for the life of me why, until Nazz told me maybe he feels my anxiety every time it does and so he'd learned to be afraid of it.

Both sounds were irritating to be woken up to, no matter how much I love my son. It's just something no person wants to be awakened too and yelling for the asshole that was waking me up before the sun would only upset my son more. So quickly and quietly I slipped off my bed and out my room to my front door where I opening it so quickly I scared the little shit behind it.

"You! What the hell do you want you weasel?" I snarled down at my uninvited guest, getting ready to kick his ass if he pissed me off even more so.

He simply grinned up at me, with a look of satisfaction and with enough happiness shining in his evil beady eyes, to kill ten horses. It didn't like that look one bit, but I didn't get a chance to say what I had in mind when the vehicle parked across the street caught my sight and my breath left me. 'No.'

"Y-y-you little shit." I pushed passed him to stare at the moving truck parked in 'his' old driveway. The pain that I had tried so hard to bury came back and hit me, almost knocking me off my feet. I leaned against the door frame my hands in fists, knuckles turning white.

"Ah, wow, hold a minute their muscle man. Hear me out before you chow off my head."

I turned to him with the most disgusted and enraged look I could muster in the hurt, stepping towards him for damage control. I couldn't understand why it bothered me so much. It had stopped being 'his house' a long, long time ago. Yet, the fact 'his' best friend had finally sold it, it was like that last nerve was struck that told me, he wasn't coming back. He was gone and it was officially my fault.

Before I had a chance to grab him a paper was smashed into my face and I growled as I snatched it from his hand. Hoping a little childishly that I gave him a damn paper cut. Giving him a nasty look before looking over the paper, 'Two month rental agreement' all of it looked ok, but I didn't get why the hell it been shoved in my face till I reached the very bottom where the name had been signed and my jaw dropped.

"Ahahahaha, the look on your stupid face is priceless. See jockey boy, I know him. I told you he couldn't stay away. I finally proved you wrong asshole. Looky, looky here. It's your second chance knocking at the door. We may not of gotten along as kids, I still don't like you. Ch' yet you made him happy and you protected him when none of us could. Don't make the same mistake, life has given you a second chances, not everybody gets."

I was going to say something when he looked away from me and at the doorway behind me and smiled. "Morning little man, take care of your dad. Big-o-baby is going to really need comfort these two months."

He gave a wink like the arrogant ass he was and turned away with a wave and as soon as he left I felt small arms wrap around mine, before the sting of tears threatening to spill and I had to close my eyes to keep them at bay. Leaning back against the door frame again, I let a stupid goofy grin slide over my lips. 'You livid huh, told you, that you were strong.'

* * *

"Jim daddies got breakfast, come sit down." I could hear little noises before the pitter, patter of little feet made their way down the stairs and across the living room. "Hey buddy, what I tell you about running down the stairs?"

He looked at me from the doorway and gave me the cutest smile he could muster with his little gap in the front. 'Buttering me up huh, shit.'

"Alright, sit down big guy. We will discuss that later, cool." He nodded and made his way over, crawling into the seat that barely showed the top of his eyes, making me laugh. I brought his food over on his cactus cartoon plate and picked him up a moment to place him on the phone books so he could see and eat.

"Make sure you eat that slow, don't shovel it down, k."

Nat always thought it was weird that I spoke to a two-year old like he was an adult. But, I figured he's smart, we know that and he isn't going to learn anything if you talk to him like a baby or kid. Sure, there are times for talking to him like a kid and then there were times like this that he needed to be treated a little older.

When he started eating I looked down at my plate and didn't feel so hungry. So, I made my way over to the living-room and lay down on the couch to think. I could hear him from there to make sure he didn't choke, so I let my mind wonder. He was alive and back it was hard to wrap around my head, I was excited yet scared. What had he been doing all these years? Was he taller? Was he smarter? Was he still that adorable dorky gap toothed geek? Did he still use big ass words I barely understood, yet made me respect him even more? How come he had never tried to get in contact with any of us? Even his best friends hadn't gotten word from him after his move. Heck, they hadn't even known of his moving until that day. Why, Double Dweeb …why …

* * *

"WHAT THE FUCK!" I sat up soaked in cold ass water, rubbing my eyes as I looked up at the stupid ass grinning idiot above me. In one arm he had my laughing two-year old and in the other hand an empty sippy cup.

"Dude, what the heck? I thought you wouldn't be here until this afternoon?" I leaned back to run my hands through my wet hair.

"Bro, you understand it's like two in the afternoon now and you been asleep here on the couch without Jim having eyes on him?"

I stopped my movements and got pale in the face as I looked out the window to see the sun was in fact up. I'd fallen asleep and wasn't watching my son. 'Fucking dammit, I'm so fucking stupid.'

He must have seen me going down a bad road because he turned to my son and said. "Little dude, dads going to blow some steam like a tea kettle over this. What he doesn't realize is I got home early and have been designated guardian, why good old poppy slept his worries away!"

"Shut up Nat, what was he doing when you got home?"

"He was up stairs playing with that smart cube, dude. I still don't understand why you got him that. He's a fricken two-year old, not even I can get that thing, bro."

I laughed and my son joined in for a bit, until he decided to place his own comment. "Sdupid Nad"

"Dude, did your son just call me stupid?" I looked at him through tears of laughter at his shocked face.

"Bro, not cool! What are you teaching this kid, to be a jerk like his daddy?"

I stopped laughing to glare at him at least that is what I was trying to do before laughing again. He huffed and plopped my son on my lap before stomping away like a little girl. When I finally stopped laughing, I looked at my baby boy and gave him a serious look. "Ok Jim, you don't call people stupid, got it? No matter how funny it seems or if daddy does it, cool?"

He looked at me and gave me that gapped toothy grin, I loved so much. "Ugh, you're getting worse than 'him' with that."

* * *

"Yeah, he's back Nazz and no before you ask, I haven't. I-I can't even pick up the nerve to go over and see him. For all I know he isn't there yet." As soon as it was nap time for my son, I got on the phone and dialed up my best friend and one of the original kids from back in our day.

"That's great to hear Kevin, see I told you Eddy know what he was talking about. And don't worry, about who goes to see who first. You both must be on nerves about being back and seeing each other."

I wanted to believe her that I hadn't seen him either because of nerves. But part of me was telling me that he didn't wanna see me, period. That he hated me for not stopping his mom from taking him away. I was the only one that knew and I let him go anyway, despite knowing what she was capable of doing.

After I had finally told Eddy and Nazz about what had happened, I got my ass handed to me by the dork. I had never in my life seen the short scam artist so enraged and care about anybody but himself. Guess 'he' had been wrong about his best friend's future. He had turned out to be more caring then had been predicted.

"Are you listening to me Kev?"

"Huh, nah, shit I was thinking … my bad. What did you say?"

"I said that maybe you should invite him to one of your gigs to hang out. You know we are all going to be down there this summer … all of us … just like old times Kev."

'Old times, huh?' I highly doubt that statement. It would never be like told times, no matter how much you scream, cry and beg for that small part of happiness back. It had all changed; we had all changed for the worst and for the better. But, the past wasn't possible anymore and that made me as angry as it tore sadness into my heart.

"Yeah, sure Nazz. If I run into him I'll ask, just go up and smile at him like good old fucking times, like nothing ever fucking happened and just ask him to forgive my mistakes and come hear me bleed my heart out. I have to go my sons up."

Before she could reply, I hung up and through the phone as hard as I could against the wall watching it smash to pieces before the cry of my son made its way to my ears. 'fuck.'


	3. Tears spilled for an Antihero

**Character(s) in Chapter:** Kevin Barr, Nathan Kedd Goldberg, Jim Barr, Eddward Double D Rockwell, Nazz

**Character Mention in Chapter:** r!Plank, Rolf

* * *

Kevin was lazing around on the couch a beer in hand, the sports channel tuned on, but he wasn't even watching. His mind was lost in what Eddy had told him, about just who had moved in across from him and what Nazz had said to him about talking to the guy and giving it another try. Which in the end had only confused him and then pissed him off to the point he broke his only working phone. Adding more stress to his already stressed life, since he had to go to the store and buy another phone for work.

That had been two days ago, two long and busy days. Courtesy of Nazz, since she was the one who had pumped his work schedule full of busy, with what seemed like a month's full of Racecar fixings. The girl was paranoid about having random people fix her babies; even people she had worked with since she had begun her career were capable of fucking her over.

Her life was always in the hands of the mechanics that worked on her cars. So, they had this pact that she would give him the money to start his shop and whenever she needs him, he put everybody on the back burner to fix her babies. If she ever needed anything fixed out of her designated month, she send the car(s) over or fly Kevin to her. Both were expensive as hell, depending on if cars need new parts. But, to her money was of little concern even from the beginning.

He had been about to change the channel when movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention and he looked over to his best friend Nathan, who had this look of complete confusion and that 'I've gone and screwed up' look, as he looked over with a nervous goofy grin.

"What the hell are you looking at Nat? Where is-"

"Hey bro, have you seen Jim?"

Anger and fear moved across Kevin's gaze as he slammed the beer he was drinking down and got up. "What the fuck do you mean have I seen my son? You're supposed to be watching him, why I relax a god damn fucking minute."

Nathan was about to explain what had happened when a loud screeching of tires was heard in the front of their house followed by somebody shouting, before the car was heard speeding off. The two took less than a second to look at each other before they were racing out of the room and out of the house only to stop just outside the door. There in the gutter covered in dirt and oil most likely was a figured hovered over something in his arms.

Kevin just stood there, not even realizing he was holding his breath or that he was shaking with fear until a little green mop of fussy hair and a pale white face popped up over the strangers shoulder with red puffy eyes as he let out a sob that sounded like, "Ddadddy"

Letting out the breath and dashing across the grass of his yard he was over at the stranger's side taking his son from his arms. As soon as he felt the fussy green onesy he pulled the little sobbing mess to his chest, kissing his snot and tear-stained face, before petting his hair. He hadn't even realized he had started crying, but he was. He had only been this scared one other time in his whole life and that had been when he thought he had lost 'him.'

"God, I'm going to kill your uncle. He's a god-damn fucking idiot. I'm so happy you're alright Jim, daddies so happy you're safe. Daddy loves his little man with all his heart. Daddy has you and daddy won't ever let you get hurt. Daddy will protect you, please don't cry, and please don't cry, you're safe."

After lots of sweet everything's, hugs, cuddled and kisses. Kevin finally realized he wasn't alone and he took a breather, wiping his face to clear it of tears. After he felt ok again he looked up to thank the person who had risked their life for his son. As soon as cyan greenish blue eyes met his forest green, his breath stopped in his chest and the tears seem to dry up completely. The words lumped in his throat as he goked at the figure that looked like the shadow of the guy he once knew in his past.

This person being watched closely, only smirked down at him, a look he couldn't read in their eyes as they gave a warm chuckle. "Salutations Pumpkin, long time, no?"

The red-head couldn't wrap what he was seeing around his poor broken mind. This person looked just like him . . . yet it wasn't him. This guy oozed bad vibes with that snarky smirk, arrogant look, the bags under his eyes that clearly indicated more than just sleep deprived and his clothes screamed jackass.

It was like looking at himself in the mirror at one point, almost . . . so if this was indeed the him; that little geeky, weak boy he'd fallen for that had left that day plastered to the back window crying . . . he might as well had died that day along with the past.

"What! Tu as perdu ta langue?"

Kevin did not reply, he simply kept staring his mouth open slightly. Even if he had understood what the hell this guy had said, his mind had forgotten how to speak.

"Tsk, whatever, I'm heading out. Party tonight, predicted to be pleasantly gratifying."

After this guy had said that, with deeper, raspier Double D's voice, his wonderful voice he frowned, before leaning back down and his hand stretching out to touch. On nervous, or fear, or maybe so he could pray. Kevin closed his eyes and waited for the touch that part of him begged would come, but it never came. Instead, he heard his son giggle and he opened his eyes. There before him was the boy who he had fallen in love carefully ruffling his son's hair, with such a loving gesture, before brushing a thumb over his nose just under his eyes so gently you would think Jim was made of a thin sheet of glass.

"It appears your son has Atopic dermatitis, you would know it as Eczema. His seems to be a very mild case, to which can be treated with home remedies. Here are some of the ones I use, plus what not to do. At the current age in which he is, the best temper of water should by as cold as he will allow. As he gets older and the Eczema goes away or at least does not present itself he may start taking warmer and warmer showers. The best soakings for the most comfort in easing the dry skin is a lukewarm oatmeal or lukewarm bath with a bit of milk and almond oil, until fingers and feet prune then pat dry don't rub, when you get him out. As for moisturizing the dry skin, do not smother him in lotions that have perfumes. This is because they tend to contain an alcohol base that dries the skin further, instead, use creams that contain neem oil or Aloe Vera Barbadensis Miller. When picking out and dressing him the types of textures in clothes could also irritate his skin, so be careful. A couple more things; Switch from a standard diet to a wholesome diet of fresh, organically grown fruits, vegetables, and nuts, mostly in their raw form and make sure he eats fish.

As he spoke, Kevin couldn't help but smile. Sure, he didn't look like Double D or give off a dorky vibe, but he sure as hell got all happy when talking about things he knew. And before Kevin knew it this new Double D stood up with a smile, turning to walk away, when he stopped short, he had one more thing that surprised Kevin that day.

"Nice to finally meet you Little Jim, the cactus loving boy."

* * *

"Bro, who was that hot piece of ass and-"

"Shut the fuck up Nat."

I snapped at him as I sat on the couch barely looking at the cartoons on the telly my son was enjoying. After he had walked away, he greeted a guy around the same age as us in leather, spikes and blonde punk hair that had ridden up in a sweet Harley motorcycle. For some unknown reason a part of me dreaded what that guy meant to him, and so I hated the guy. I hated him because he might mean something I would never get a chance to mean to this new D and part of me hated him for bringing back that insanely jealous side of me, I had long ago thought died.

So picking myself and my son up, I returned inside before I could see what happened next. And once inside I had tried to keep quiet as Nathan went on and on about how fricken hot that guy was and how he could see himself in . . . god I wanted to be sick and I was raging and suddenly the mention of Nat asking me who he was I just snapped at him..

I just couldn't wrap my head around what I had just seen. It was like a nightmare that I know I couldn't just wake up from. Part of me was screaming that the idea of him dead was better than what I had just met out there and part of me was so happy to have even had him speak to me again. So, happy he was alive and looking as healthy as he could be. The more I thought about it the hotter he seemed in his new perky beat your ass kinda way and when he went all let me tell you how to make your son feel better, I didn't see some cocky bastard trying to get in my pants. I saw Double D for the caring, loving guy he had always been.

It was like the two parts were tearing at me. One part said if he isn't exactly who he was in the past, then it wasn't worth getting to know. Then the more reasonable adult part was telling me; he grew up and changed to adapt to what you put him through. He changed that day just like everybody else and for all you know he's just as or even better than who he was before.

"Wow, man come on, don't be ignoring your best friend here. Tell me what's got your panties in a ruffle? Who is that dude? Wasn't that house, the house some dorky kid livid in?"

I hadn't even thought about moving, I just did. I never meant to hurt him. He's my best friend, but what he said had hit a nerve that was extra sensitive at the moment. I hadn't realized what I had done until my sons screams and sobs reached me. The red cleared and I had come to see that I had grabbed Nathan in my rage and beaten him. He was looking up at me through a swollen black eye, crooked smile, bruised jaw and bloody cracked lips.

"W-welcome back partner . . . glad to see you finally stopped using me as your anger management."

I balled my fist up before releasing them in defeat and bent down to place my forehead against his chest. I felt like utter shit at that moment and the world's biggest dick. "Shit, I'm fucking sorry Nat. I'm so fucking sorry."

"Sure bro, no problem, I understand. I went too far, sorry man." He patted me on the head, before I got up.

Wiping the blood off my knuckles onto my pants I carefully made my way over to my sobbing son. "Shh, little guy. I'm sorry, daddies sorry. I never meant to upset you. Daddy loves your Uncle Nathan. It was just a little argument, k. Daddy made another mistake. But, daddies so very sorry Jim."

"D-daddy . . . D-daddy sowe do Jim." He spoke into my shoulder and I hugged him, making sure to wrap my arms around him, so he was warm and safe.

"Yeah, daddies sorry to Jim. Daddy is just upset and daddy did wrong by taking it out on Nat. Don't ever do that when you're older. Never take your anger out on the ones you love. You never know how long they will be in your life. Life doesn't always give you second chances, little man. Some of us are not so lucky."

* * *

Whoever said Nathan Kedd Goldberg was a big boy had never gotten to know him personally. This guy had whimpered and whined from the moment I brought him into the bathroom till now. "Dude, shut up, what are you a little girl and stop whining, I'm almost done."

"Fuck man, have you ever been on the receiving end of your fists? I think not, so don't tell me to shut up bro. Shit fucking hurts, man!"

I couldn't help but chuckle at his antics as he pushed my hand away from wrapping his bad eye. He looking like a one-eyed pirate that got his ass handed to him. It was funny to think today were here sitting together like this, living under the same roof. When we first met freshman year, I wanted nothing to do with an idiot that never stopped smiling or wouldn't shut the hell up for even two seconds to save his life.

It had gotten bad between us that we ended up beating each other silly behind the bleachers in the football field. Than after we had gotten all our frustrations out, he asked me to the party that would be happening that night. At first, I wasn't sure going with a guy I just beat up, was cool, but, really what was there to lose. So, we picked up our sore and battered bodies and went to the party to drink our problems away.

It was that night we figured out we liked the same-sex, well not really figure out. I knew I had been attracted, well at least to Double Dork, who is a guy. I just had never told anybody, not even Nazz. Even when she came out as a lesbian, who I was sure would break the little weasel's heart. But it seemed after Edd left and I packed up too, the two had grown at the hip and she had come out to him first.

It was me that was unwilling to come out. Even Nat had said he was that way and would admit to anybody who asked. So, I told him to keep it a secret and he did despite telling me it was cool to like whoever the hell I wanted. If somebody had a say in my business, he'd help me beat them up. Even before I finally came out, it seemed all the kids in our group already know my feelings for Double D and had waited for me to finally admit it to myself. Let me tell you, never come out gay after spending any amount of time in jail. Despite knowing who you are they will crack jokes at your expense.

But, getting back to how we found out, I couldn't have been more oblivious when you wake up, hung over, feeling like shit, body parts hurting you never know existed to find some little fucker butt naked with his arms wrapped around your waist like your some petite girl. I'd like to say that I had planned this, but I had not. I was in complete shock and I couldn't help but stare. I didn't even dare to move afraid to wake him up or be one of those massive dicks who blames and beats everybody else for the predicament he is in now. But, after time I realized it really wasn't that it was a male who I had slept with, it was the fact I had lost my gay virginity to somebody other than the dweeb.

Yet, at least it was to somebody who gave a shit about me and not some random dude. He even played it cool and tried to get me to cheer up when he woke to me freaking the fuck out. I mean who wakes up to find a person they drunk slept with freaking out and grins like a complete moron before they get serious and ask, "_So who was bitch?" _Even though they know, just so you can have the opportunity to lie and it be ok.

But I didn't lie, I didn't even answer the question, because I was too busy laughing at his face expression before giving him a friendly punch. After that, we decided that the relationship was nothing more than close friends. Well I decided and told him that. I know he liked me, I could see it on his face when I told him he was like a brother to me and that waking up naked together was not cool.

Then our relationship took another sharp turn to test how strong it was. Nat's love, who always denied him the pleasure of feelings in return was killed in front of half the school and us during his act on stage. But the person to take it in the worst way possible wasn't Nat. Yes, he was crushed, he fucking hurt and he used every cheesy smile and stupid goofy grin to hid how truly derailed he really was over the matter. Even when his eyes were red, swollen and he had bags under them from nights of crying himself to sleep and his breath smelled like liquor as each, "It's all good man", "Nah, bro I'm fine." was slurred to assure others not to worry.

It was I who had gone off the deep end. It was no attachment to the moody, depressive little actor, but the fact his death reminded me so much of Double D's unknown life. It's like the guy's death had brought the horror of that night back all over again for me. Made me rethink how fucking horrible a guy I was for allowing Edd to go live with his mom, knowing what she had done to him. And before anyone of us could stop it I had completely changed. I picked back up on my bullying twice as bad as before, I became known as the cruel heart breaker that slept with any girl pretty enough to held my interest for more than five minutes.

When I did finally decide to date somebody, she was just an object to plug up the whole in my being. It wasn't until I had beaten the shit out of her side toy, sending me off to jail to graduate my senior year behind bars, and learning I was going to be a dad that I know I had fucked up even more and I had to change my life around.

"Yo, man, you going to answer my question, bro?"

I looked up at him confused. "Ah, sure, what was that question exactly?"

He crunched his face up in laughter and patted my head like some fricken dog and I growled out a warning.

"Down big boy." He grinned at me. "I asked again, just who that dude was."

I sighed and lowered my head knowing I had to answer sooner than later when it blows up in my face somehow. "To tell you the truth . . . I don't even know anymore. He looked like him and what he said was him . . . yet everything was different. He looked so lost with that smart ass little smirk like he was something superior."

He just nodded like he knew what I was talking about when his face lit up when his brain decided to help. "Dude, was that the little dorky boy you told me you were in love with?

"Shut up Nathan." I snapped and stood up stomping out and slamming the door behind me. Love . . . in love . . . was in love? Can you be in love with somebody then not anymore? Had it simply been love out of sympathy for his pain? Yeah, pity it was just pity love is all. Fuck, who the hell am I kidding? I was in love with him then and I am still in love with him now. But, can I be in love that he has become?

* * *

I hadn't meant to walk by his room and over hear the convocation to no doubt Nazz. She was the only person we spoke to about anything relating to one another. Sure, I spoke to Rolf now and then when he stopped by to visit with my son or when I walked over to the storefront corner down the street he now owned. But, we talked about anything but our problems.

"Yeah bra, the dude looked like he could take on Kevin."

I highly doubt that even him as he was now could take me on, though the idea was slightly hot. 'Shit what am I thinking?'

"No serious, I swear I ain't lying. This Double D dude was like straight out of school bully the movie. He even had that arrogant bad boy feel and the dark shadowed drug bags under his eyes. All I can say is he was fucking hot, blonde. You go-"

Ok I couldn't take this anymore I pushed open the bedroom door and Nathan turned around his mouth wide open. I growled as I held my hand out for the phone.

"S-shit women, look at the time. I got to head out . . . here's Kev."

I took the phone, watching him grab his jacket and book it out of the room. Turning my attention to my other best friend, I sighed. "Heya Nazz, before you say anything Nat wasn't lying. It's true . . ."

"Dude, no way, Double D a drug user? That has to be a lie. Ok, I can see him becoming a bully. He had to learn to defend himself to take on high school without his companions or you."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure those bags weren't just sleep deprived alone. I've been in jail Nazz . . . I know a drug user when I see them."

I heard her suck in breath as she was unsure of how to say what she was about to. "Kev, I know you got a kid. I understand dropping the idea of making up and having a second chance. However, think of it this way, dude. What if you were now in Double D's place and he was in yours? Do you think he'd just let you go on with your path to where we already know there is no return?"

I closed my eyes and thought a moment. "I can't say anything for sure Nazz. I can't say I will or won't stick my neck out for him again. This time it's much different, this is his decision we're both different and both chosen different paths in life."

"I'm not going to argue with you Kev, but think about your life. Think about what set you straight. Double D don't have that reality check and never will and you think that dude he was with is going to set him straight? For all you know that kid is the reason he's the way he is. What was the first song you sung on stage and who was it for, dude?"

I clenched and unclenched my fist as I looked at the wall. "I'd come for you" I whispered out, scared to say it any louder.

"Yeah and what were the words in that song, dude?"

I closed my eyes and lay down on Nats bed. "Just one moment, that's all that's needed, like wounded soldiers, in need of healing."

"And . . . sing me the song Kev, tell me how you feel."

"Time to be honest, this time I'm pleading. Please don't dwell on it, 'cause I didn't mean it.' I can't believe I said I'd lay our love on the ground, but it doesn't matter 'cause I'll make up for it, forgive me now.' Every day you spend away, my souls inside out, gotta be some way that I can make it up to you someday, somehow."

As I trailed off, she started up the chorus bent on breaking me down to the deepest levels of my feelings. Her voice was beautiful singing those lines I had created for the dorky kid and I had to slam my fist into the wall to keep from crying. God, it hurt so much. I felt like somebody was taking the Jaws of Life to my heart area and ripping the place to shreds and before I know it and before could do anything to stop it I cried out and sobbed.


	4. Heated Words of an Eye Opener

**Character(s) in Chapter:** Kevin Barr, Nathan Kedd Goldberg, Eddward Double D Rockwell, r!Plank

**Character Mention in Chapter:** Johnny, Jim Barr, Nazz

**Things to Know: **This chapter has drug talk and use in minor and party gone bad.

* * *

**(Chapter Song: '**_Savin' Me_' by Nickelback**)**

I felt a lot better after my break down on the phone with my best friend. It was kinda silly that the talk after that had died and we just kept on singing songs I had written for the past years until she had to go. After we had hung up, I crawled up with Nat's pillow and closed my eyes. My mind was a lot clearer to what I needed and what I wanted to do. Yet I was still unsure what I was going to do.

Getting up I made my way to Nat's little cramped bathroom to take a nice hot shower. I felt like a girl when I got out over an hour later, fingers and feet pruned like dried fruit. It had felt so damn good to have hot ass water pouring down my body as it eased the sore muscles. But, it was getting late and my son's bedtime was approaching a little faster than I had realized. So, getting dried off and dressed I made my way up the basement stairs and into the house to find him.

It was in the living room they both were engrossed in a Tv show. It was cute to see Nat sitting on the end of the couch staring at the cactus on the scene as he listened to the documentary guy speak about their life in the desert as my son sat on the floor on his blanket with his cactus stuffy and a look of awe on his face.

"Exciting stuff Nat?" I teased as I sat down.

"Man oh man, hell yes. Did you know . . ."

Whatever he said after that went over my head as, "bluh, bluh, bluh" as I stared out the window to across the street. His house was dark, except for the porch light that had been left on to welcome him home, whenever that was. It made me ask the silly questions; if the house was lonely waiting for him to return home once again and if it was lonelier after his leave the first time. It hadn't had anybody living in it since a month later, due to D's father moving out to live his new life. That thought brought on new questions, questions that angered me and saddened me.

"Earth to man of thoughts, it's getting late, shame on your daddy skills, bro."

I looked over at him when he spoke and just stared. He was wearing a pair of sleepy baby blue Pj's, his signature goofy grin and his hair was all over the place like he'd been sleeping in bed and just woken up. No matter how cute I thought it might be I frowned, for no reason other than his words. "Dude his name was 'the thinker' not 'man of thoughts', but nice try and yeah they are."

I know my words had wiped that look off his face in wonder to what I was thinking, but at the moment I could care less. I got up and walked the short distance to my son who was rubbing his tired eyes, trying his hardest to fight sleep so he could stay up and watch the show. But, I know it wouldn't last. As soon as he was picked up and wrapped in my arms it was like a switched had been flipped and he was out like a light. This made everything I'd been through worth it. To look down and see my sleeping sons face, feeling safe and loved in my arms. I was his world and nobody else matter to him, but me.

* * *

Kevin awake from his sleep, arms protectively around his sons sleeping form. He didn't understand what had woken him at first. He know he was a light sleeping now that he had a kid, but that's not what had woken him this time. No, it was the outside noise that had awakened his sleeping brain. He could hear engines, quite a few and people laughing. They were noisy, but not so much that he be angry they wake his kid. It was wired, he hadn't heard noise like this since he had become a dad, there wasn't time for things like that. It was always work and being a dad, well you couldn't call his work, work since both jobs were fun and exciting to him. One had him working with mechanics and the other was a gig at a bar not far as a weekend entertainment.

To hear the sounds of a party was weird in this cul-de-sac, at least now and that's when he remembered D's words from earlier. Out of curiosity, he wanted to see just what kinda people the used to be dweeb partied with. Carefully getting out of the small crammed bed he was sharing with his son for the night, he made his way over to the window and looked out.

Across the street where a couple of old-time muscle cars, new age hot rods and the occasional Motorcycle. This was something he was expecting from say him back in the day, not his double dork. There were couples standing around and drinking, defiantly people he would have never imagined being friends with Edd. They looked like the kind that caused trouble in school, picked on the nerds between classes if they even went to class and robbed stores for an extra bit of cash of their habits.

Closing his eyes, he thought a moment of what the new Edd looked like before opening them and looking around, but he couldn't seem to find him. So, with a sigh he fixed the curtains and made his way out of the room, down the stairs and over to the front window for a closer look. At least he figured it was closer. Looking out the window again at a different vantage point he scanned the dark figures weaving between people, vehicles and going in and out of the house. He was about to give up when a light within a car caught his attention. For a moment he thought he was seeing things, it was only for a short moment, so he stared in the direction he thought he saw it.

There across the street where he had seen the light was something Kevin couldn't believe was parked right outside D's place on the curb. Their sitting pretty and well cared for was non-other than the famous limited GT351 version of a 1973 Ford XB Falcon Hardtop. Oh, that baby was beautiful, how could he have missed it the first time looking. It was a one of a kind replica of Mad Max's Black Special Pursuit Muscle car, from the first movie. How the hell did one of these punks get a hold of that or even have the smarts to make it.

'Double Dork', he's mouth gapped open, no way little dorky D liked a movie like that. But, hell so much had changed, why not likes in movies too. As he was admiring the beauty, he caught that light again from inside the car. It was the light of a bic being lit. He stared at it until it disappeared again and waited for the same amount of time before their it was. Could it be that somebody was having trouble with lighting their cig and why the hell were they sitting in that vehicle doing that shit, what a waste.

He stared at it in concentration like a warrior waiting for the signal and there it was again. Unable to really tell what was going on he left the window and went to his front door, opening it quietly as he could and slipping out into the warm night with a soft breeze. He stayed there in the dark against the door, watching that one car. He could see the shadow of a figure inside, but had no idea just who it was or why he cared so damn much of their presence. He was about to give up when the light returned and he concentrated even harder at where that light was being cast and his mouth dropped. The figure in that nice baby was non-other than the dork he'd been looking for. 'What the hell are you doing idiot?'

Being quiet and trying not to be noticed by the people walking and standing in the yard, he moved all the way up to the end of the curb and stared. He felt like a stalker for sure, but it was his right to make sure nothing was in threat of his house and that's what he kept telling himself as he stared. When the light came, it was a much clearer view and his breath caught in his throat when he realized just what that idiot was, his actions took over his body as he made his way over. He didn't even care if he was seen now. He was raging with emotions of all kinds. He couldn't believe what he was seeing.

However, he didn't get a chance to speak when that smooth and arrogant voice called out. "Well, well, greetings Pumpkin. What brings y-"

"Shut the fuck up Edd!" Kavin snapped as he stuck his hand through the window that had been open and snatched the crap in the others lap and tossed it into the street listening to it shatter against the asphalt.

"Feel better?" A emotionless voice asked.

Kevin stood there just outside the car staring at an unreadable face as it stared back. "I can't fucking believe you of all people . . . would even touch that shit! You know exactly what that crap does to you!"

"Of course I do, who do you believe me to be a Daffodil? I have profoundly studied the effects in all studies for what I am currently doing from the moment of inhaling to years later."

Kevin couldn't believe he was hearing that stated in such an I-don't-fucking-care-matter-of-fact tone from a kid who couldn't go five fucking seconds with dirt on his hands. He felt the anger boil his blood. He threw open the car door, grabbed the other by the front of his jacket and slammed him against the car's now closed-door. Again not, even a flinch from this new Double D to give off what he was thinking.

"If you're so fucking smart Mr. I fucking studied this shit. Tell me about this so called joy and its fucking affects." He growled as he tightening his grip.

"Methamphetamine better known on the streets as Meth, Crystal, Crank, Ice and Speed depending on what form it is taken or in. You can snort it, take it orally, inject, or smoke it and it comes in crystalline power or rock-like chunks. There is a variety of reasons one would take this drug, but in the end their reasons are always blurred into one; they like the way it affects the brain. This is caused by the feeling of the sudden rush which the user experiences pleasure lasting for several minutes that leads to a euphoric high that last longer than most other drugs in a window from six to twelve hours at most. This high feeling is caused by the brain releasing excessive amounts of the chemical called dopamine; a neurotransmitter that controls pleasure. Although a number of drugs and everyday things cause this release, Methamphetamine produces the grand number of 1,250 units. That is 12 times as much dopamine as you get from food, sex, and other pleasurable activities. However, when the feeling of a Methamphetamine induced high wears off unlike other activities of normal day dopamine, this one causes the user to become excessively profound to depression, and leaves them the need to keep taking the drug to avoid the crash."

Kevin had heard enough, he didn't even want to hear what the long-lasting effects of this drug did to somebody as smart, kind as D was, and though he took no pleasure in hitting the other he had to shut him up. He hadn't even realized he had closed his eyes when he throw the blow or that Eddward hadn't bothered to move, even though he know it was coming and it would most likely hurt a whole fucking lot.

When he finally did open his eyes, it was silent all around him. Blood was trickling down the side of D's bruised lip as he stared back at him with a look he couldn't read and this made him step back and let go. Free from his hold Eddward stood up straight, wiped the blood off his face before spitting the rest in his mouth on the floor, and smirked.

The stare down now broken Kevin noticed that the crowed from before was nowhere to be seen and he looked around feeling uneasy, even though he could hear them in the house with the loud music and shoots.

"Don't get your patties ruffled. Plank cleared the crowed the moment you got here." He turned his head to stare at D who had spoken in a softer tone that was slightly teasing; this was a tone he had yet to hear directed to him until now.

"Plank? Plank as in Johnny's plank?"

The moment that was said, he had to step back as Eddward started laughing and Kevin couldn't help feel that it was the sexiest laugh he had ever heard and he smiled nervously unsure of what was so funny with what he said. When the laughing had finally simmered down, Eddward wiped his tears and took a deep breath.

"How intriguing, that you would be the one person to make me laugh like that, after all these years. No, not plank the wood board. Plank as in the big, blonde punk guy that rides the bike you saw yesterday, although both do own good Johnny in some way."

Kevin couldn't help but laugh this time, though it was nowhere as long as D's. "His name is plank? Are you serious?"

Eddward smirked as his fingers glided over the top of his car teasingly and in a seductive way. "Indubitable."

Kevin was just about to say something when the front door slammed open, making them both turn to see people running and crying something out as they scrambling to their vehicles and got the hell out of dodge. It didn't take long to see why as Plank came out holding his side with non-other than Johnny boy plastered to his side. Though it was hard to see why he was holding his side, the look on their old friend's face told them it wasn't good.

Kevin was about to say something when he saw what he never wanted to. In Plank's hand was a handgun pointed at whoever was in the house yelling. Gritted his teeth he was going to go over their when a hand grabbed his shoulder and he looked over to see Eddward staring at Plank, a look in his eyes that was so cold and unwavering it frighten Kevin. So, he did nothing, but watched silently like he was told to.

"WHO THE FUCK DO YA THINK YA ARE MAN? HUH, FUCKING BLONDE FREAK! DO NOT YA THINK OR A SECOND YAR SMARTER THEN ME MAN. I'LL SHOW YA-SHOW SMART WHEN I FUCKING BLOW YAR HEAD OFF FUCKER."

Kevin couldn't believe their bad luck as the idiot yelling stepped out of the house holding up a gun also. It wasn't really the gun that he called bad luck, but the fact the idiot swinging it around was either drunk or high off his rocker. Then it got worse when his little posy of bitches stepped out behind him with guns too and that's when he took notice of the people who hung around on their side were also pointing guns. This was going to be a long and fucked up night for them all if things weren't squashed soon. Hell if the houses around where all empty it be fine. But just because the kids, who grow up here owned the houses now, didn't mean all their parents were gone. The ones that stuck around would defiantly call the cops if anything more than yelling went on.

This was really starting to piss Kevin off as the idiot kept yelling shit and waving the fucking gun at D's friend, who if he had been drunk or high before was surely sobered up now. But, what really got him was the fact out of this whole time the only movement this guy had made was to place himself between the drunken fool and Johnny. So the guy wasn't all that bad and apparently he was like some tank ready for battle without a waiver of fear or at least from what Kevin could see. It took him a moment to notice D was trying to get his attention secretly without moving his eyes from the scene. When he finally had noticed he moved his hand slightly and bumped fingers with him to let him know he noticed.

"Phone, my pocket, your side, text friend, be careful, take kid to old room, lock house, stay quiet, don't let anybody in."

The words were so low that Kevin had to strain to hear them over the idiots shit he was spilling and the sound of his own heart thumping in his ears. But, he got the message and carefully without moving as much as possible he got the phone and texted just enough to his best friend that he understands it was urgent and no questions were to be asked. Just as he finishing up the worst possible thing happened, the idiot turned his sights on them, and he felt D's hand grab his own and he know right then the night had taken the worst turn possible.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE, HUH? WHAT THE FUCK YA TWO STARING AT? DO I AMUSE YA LITTLE FUCKERS?" He screamed as he walked over, his friends taking his spot at pointing their guns at Plank and the others people.

Nothing was said between D and him as the guy rambled and stumbled over to them, stopping to lean against the car on the other side. "HA, are ya fucking noring me? I don't FUCKING like being nored and by such a pretty girl."

Kevin felt his anger rise tenfold with those words as his fist bawled. Oh how he wished to pound that guy's face into the fucking asphalt right now. But he wasn't fucking stupid or asking for trouble. He knew moving would set the guy off and one of them would be shot before the gun could even be grabbed. So, he did nothing but clenches his jaw and listen to the words being slurred. . If you could call them words at all.

"How cum ya digging boyish clothes babe? Ya, look sexy in mini skirt and tank. Hell girl ya look good naked laying under my body, with my dick shoved up your tight little hole."

The guy slurred seductively and he moved his waist in a sickening subjective way as he eyed Double D. Kevin really wanted to see his face and what expression it was making to this idiot, but he didn't dare look, not even a glance. His instincts told him don't you dare take your eye off that gun and so he didn't. He was just hoping one of those crazy fuckers on their side had a plan to get them out of this before one of them was killed.

"You, shit face, stop talking to my girl like she's a piece of ass."

That was defiantly not, what he wanted to hear. But it took the assholes eyes off them and as soon as his eyes were off them the gun still pointed and held over the top of the car he felt his body move. It was so fast he had no time to think as he grabbed for it, slamming his free fist over the guy's wrist to let go. He didn't even have time to react when all of a sudden there was a loud bang that rumbled in his ears and was defining, before a hot blinding pain shot through him.

The last thing he heard was more gunshots, shouting, and the screeching of tires and then he felt the arms of somebody holding him. They felt so familiar and they held him so gently. He felt numb and pleasurable as the hot pain kinda disappeared and the feeling of life leaving was all that was there as the world went black.


	5. New fears and a Blooming Love

**Character(s) in Chapter:** Kevin Barr, Nathan Kedd Goldberg, Nazz, Eddward Double D Rockwell

**Character Mention in Chapter:** Johnny, r!Plank

**Things to Know: **After fight blood and fixings of wound via criminal methods described and not, mental emotions of gun fear and a lot of cussing.

* * *

**(Chapter Song:** _I Won't Give Up_ - Jason Mraz**)**

I didn't know what exactly was happening or where I was. I just know that somewhere in the fog there was a soft voice that sounded like it was about to break at any moment. I didn't understand why I was hearing this song being played over and over in the same choppy broken tone. I had never heard it before, that much I was sure of. The voice so muffled I couldn't make out a tone to pick just who it was, but it really didn't matter because it gave me a comforting feeling to hear it. It was like this sad, sad melody I kept hearing was guiding me through a dark, foggy place of hidden fears. Yet all the same, it drew tears to my cheeks, because it had such an overwhelming force that dropped upon my emotions like a bike being crushed under the wheels of a truck.

"What we're all those dreams . . . those many years ago? What were all those plans . . made now left beside the road? Behind . . in the road. More than friends I always pledged, cause friends they come and go. People change, as does everything. I wanted to grow . . I just wanted to grow . . . . up next to me. I'm just a human being. I will take the blame, but just the same, this is not me. You see, believe. I'm better than this. Don't leave me so cold. I'm buried beneath the stones. I just wanted to hold on I know I'm worth your love. . . . It's my fault now having caught a sickness . . How it pain .. . leave you . . . on your own. Just don't let me go. Help me see myself, cause I can no longer tell. Looking out from the inside of the bottom of a well, it's hell, I yell . . . one hears me before I disappear, whisper in my ear. Give me something to . . . in my unknown future's. My dear . . . the end . . . comes near . . . I'm here . . . but not much longer."

When the voice finally pulled me from the dark and the light in front of me brought me to an unknown place, I sat up and screamed. My arms outstretched like my hands were trying to catch that song. It was like my security blanket to my fears, now it was slowly fading away, and I would be alone again.

Suddenly a hand was brought to my mouth covering the screams and I was gently grabbed in a choking hug. At first, I struggled to get away. But when I felt the wetness on my face and heard the soft sobbing in my ear I tried to calm down. The arms wrapping around me had fluttering warmth that told me it was ok. They however were completely different from those arms in my hazy dark. Those arms were burning, they surrounded my whole being in a blanket just like that voice. They screamed safe, they screamed secure of protection and love.

These arms were ok for now. They told me it was cool to let that sad melody disappear and after a bit of just lying there my body settled down into warm fuzzy static. Letting a choked sob out I looked over to face just who was holding me. Watery eyes of my best friend Nat met mine, he smiled, and I stared at him, before moving my gaze up to see Nazz standing and staring at me, a serious look on her face.

It was strange even though I should be asking what the hell was going on, why I was crying, being held by an emotional Nathan and being calmly watched by Nazz. The thing that popped into my blurry mind was Double D and when I opened my mouth to speak it barely came above a whisper. "E-edd"

I felt my best friend relax his hold, before he let go and looked over at me as he wiped his tears. He said nothing, like I thought he would. It was Nazz who spoke. "Dude, he's fine Kev. It's all good with him. You're the one were worried about. How could you be so reckless and stupid dude?"

I was going to ask why when I suddenly felt a hand in my hair and I glanced up to see Nathan was the reason for fingers rubbing my scalp. To tell you it was weird would be an understatement. We were close, yeah, but it was a little unnerving to see him treat me like I would break. I was about to ask when Nazz answered my confused look.

"He said you'd have temporary amnesia to protect yourself from the pain of the experience. That we should let you remember what had happened. But that could also cause farther illusions that could affect your place as a dad dude."

Now I know she hadn't come up with that shit and I looked at her like she was bat shit crazy. What the hell was she speaking about: Amnesia, illusions, pain of an experience, something that could come between me and my kid?

"Come on dude, Eddward told us what. So, us three have been taken turns sitting here waiting. He said you would wake up confused and scared. You may not know why, but your subconscious would know the danger you were last and take action to protect itself."

When I kept looking at her like she was stupid she sighed and sat down to take my hand. "Kevin Barr, you dude went and got yourself shot protecting Double D."

I stared at her for a moment, before it all hit me at once . . .

_The struggle to breathe, body feelin' like it was on fire, it hurt so bad, tears blurred the view, sounds of people yelling and loud booms. Then Double D's voice, so clear. "You stupid fucking moronic imbecile!"_

_World fades out with a choked breathe, blur of pain, incoming chill and Double D's voice again. "Don't you dare die on me Kevin. I did not return just to lose you again!"_

_In this dark dizzying world of nothing there were voices yelling, panicked and angry. Then one comes out more than the others do. Nathan's so distant yet so close and scared, before everything blurs to nothing, no darkness, no chill, no dizziness, nothing. Suddenly there is beeping, the pain is back. There's something in my mouth, can't scream and there is no room to move, pressure holding my body down. Feelings of fingers in hair going down to stroke wet swollen cheeks. Then a voice that sounds familiar speaks through the hot binding pain._

_"He . . . buddy . . Marie . . . fixed you . . . . No . . . . hospital. . . all good now . . . . rest a few days. . . . gave you morphine . . . pain . . . help you . . . . lucky bas . . . Eddward . . here."_

_World goes black again but can hear a voice singing. Just wanna hold it and keep it close. Need it so bad that if it disappears feels like I will too. Please don't stop, don't leave me alone, so lonely without you. Don't leave me . . . new voice slowly intervenes. Upsets balance till I hear the frantic sobs in it. " . . . me Nazz . . . can't . . hear me . . Edd . . saved . . . . ass. . .no . .my girl . . . gotten . . in time . . safe you . . . died without him."_

Flashes in pieces of last night and the after math along with unknown pain hit me, full force and I had have to bite down hard to keep the screams back. Hot tears sting and I can taste that god offal metallic taste of blood in my mouth, like I've been drinking a glass full. The visions are chaotic and frightening. I remember the fight with D over his new habit, the argument with D's friend and that guy, D caring for the safety of my child, the struggle for the gun before the loud sound that rang in my ears and the siring pain before everything is lost in the sound of my screams. Then I get pieces of D's tear-stained face as he holds me and Johnny boy's voice beside my head speaking to that plank guy.

After a while, I settle down as the memories blur together and I've had time to collect my thoughts. The pain has numbed a bit in my head with the thoughts being processed. Now it's in my lips as I open my mouth to let out ragged breathes and I have to lift my arm to whip away the tears. I see the IV sticking out of it and I sigh as I just gave up. Leaning into the gently touches of my best friend. I struggle to make words again after a bit I am able to ask what happened. At first it's quite, and then Nat decides to talk this time.

"It was fucking crazy dude! I hear ass this yelling then I get your half ass text from a number, I've never seen before. I'm doing exactly what you told me bro when I hear the sound of a gun go off. Right after that there'z a blood curding scream, more shots, people yelling, tires screeching all over. Your sons' crying his eyes out calling for you and then suddenly there is pounding on the door and yelling. I was seriously fucking scared and then they finally decided to say who it is and that your been hurt. I put your son down and I race to the door faster than I know I could move dude. It's when I realize it's your hot ass friend and he's pleading for me to open the door. Man of fucking man, I was not ready to see what was on the other side of our door dude. When I did man . . . there was so much blood all over both of you and him as you were hanging limp in his arms. I couldn't believe he could pick your heavy ass up. So I rush back down stairs, grab Jim and bring him upstairs as they take you here to my room. Wow Bro relax! Jims all fine and all dandy now man. It was insane watching that guy move like a fricken doctor or something. He was all telling Johnny to get all these things as I was helping this even sexier guy patch up a fucking stab wound dude. His names supposedly Plank and he's Eddwards foster-brother. Guys pretty fucking cool and nicer then you think for the way he looks. After a bit of running around this hot chick named Marie comes with medical stuff to help you in a way I guess your boyfriend couldn't. She's some kinda underground doctor and hear this dude . . . Nazz's girlfriend! Fucking crazy, can you believe that she works with gangs, druggies; drug deals for like shooting, stabbings all sorts of shit? She was all professional patching you up why you were passed out with nothing, bro. It was intense watching the little amount I was there before I had go back upstairs. I know you were all in good hands dude, Eddward wasn't leaving your side and I don't know man I trusted him despite what he might be into. Then I come down to find out you got a fucking drip thing with morphine and boom man, here we are four days later!"

Shocked and speechless pretty much sums up exactly how I'm feeling with that story. I understood Double D's new life was insane, but Nazz knowing the same circle of people. Did that mean she had known D's new life all along? Is that why she got all nervous or angry when I spoke about him? This left a sour taste in my mouth, to be honest I felt betrayed. Fucking dating a women who was involved with such a life, I don't know if I liked that either. I mean this woman saved me and I have to thank her for that. But I'm a dad; I don't just have my life to think about. For now, I'll let it sit. But Nazz and me needed to talk because I'm not happy being left out and lied to.

"Marie sounds familiar . . . how do I know that name?" I ask with a shiver. Somehow that name scared me, but don't ask me why.

She all smiling now that I've asked and I can tell she wants to laugh. "Dude, remember the blue haired Kanker sister. You know the one all in love with Double D?"

"WHAT!" I staring at her like she's crazy again. I'm hearing shit now that has to be it. She's even crazier than I thought. But she's looking very serious, little hurt now and it sends my boding into spazzes of laughter. "O-oh, shit Nazz! No way, man! You're dating a Kanker and Double D's stalker at that?!"

I've angered her, I can tell just by the hard look she's giving me that she finds nothing funny with my words. She seems to calm down and her face gets red before she's playfully punching me. "Shut up Kev, be mature dude."

I'm hurting with all this movement and I can tell it shows because suddenly Nathan's all smileys as he holds something up. "Morphine man the wonderful bliss of pain killers, dude."

Before I can tell him don't you dare, I feel the cool numb that makes my body lax and my mind blurry. I try to talk, but I just can't seem to find the words.

"Night Night sleepy prince."

* * *

Kevin's eyes flickered open and his body groaned at him. He felt like shit, but not so much as he had the other times he had somewhat awoken only to be put back to bed by somebody. This time nobody greeted him and was dark so it meant he had awoken at night this time. How many days had they kept him sleeping, pumped full of that crap that made him feel like bliss? With that thought in mind, he moved the covers, swung his legs around to the side of the bed carefully. He however still felt the pull on his stitches where he'd been shot and realized he hadn't been careful enough. Maybe he just give himself some more of that crap and go back to bed . . .

"F-fu-ck" 'My voice and I need to piss.' His voice sounded foreign to him, which told him that it been long enough to weaken his voice muscles. So carefully pulling out the IV he just sat there, trying to get his eyes to adjust as he wiggled his toes to get blood back in them. With a breath of air, he grabbed the nightstand with his good side, which was hard seeing as the bad side was on the side that the nightstand was on and he felt that pull again.

This time he all but ignored it as he got up and his legs wobbled under him. He was sure he would fall, but he wanted to piss and so he stood there for however long it takes for them to chill out. When his legs became less wobbly, he carefully made his way to the bathroom for his business.

When he was out, washed up and finished checking his wrappings for blood he made his way to the door, up the stairs with difficulty and out of the basement. There he leaned against the hall wall, taking quick breaths. He hurt even more now but dammit if he would allow this pain to make him weak. The place was dark and eerily quiet even up here. Somehow, it seemed so different and he didn't quite it. Being out for so long, he was worried about his son and he wanted to see him, hell he needed to see him to be all right.

With that need and that want he made his way up stairs. Each step shot pain through his body. It was even hurting him to breathe and he felt so weak. As he neared the top, he got cocky as he took the last step only to feel the rip of pain as his stitches tore. He had to bite down and grip the railing until his knuckles whiten as he held in the cry of pain. 'FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SON OF A FUCKING BITCH MAN! AHHHHH SHIT!'

He stood there for he didn't know how long before continuing on through the pain. He was already there it would be useless to make his way back down. Plus, he now needed to find somebody to fix him back up. When he got to the closed door of his sons room he leaned against it, for a moment to collect himself before entering.

As soon as the door was open, Kevin froze. There in the line of site was the barrel of the gun aimed at him. In an instant complete terrier filled his very being, as that night ran through his head again. His faced twisted and his eyes bugged, he could feel the lock of his body and he wanted to scream, he wanted to run. But his feet were glued to the floor and no sound would come.

Part of him could feel the break down and before anything could happen, those burning hot lean arms wrapped around him tightly. Just in time as his legs gave out under him into violent trembles and he leaned into the touch he so desperately craved as tears fell down his cheeks and sobs racked his body. He was honestly frightened. He didn't understand why he had reacted that way. He wanted to know why he had frozen instead of acting on a rush to protect himself and his son. He could feel anger getting the best of him, but once again he was soothed with none other than that voice that had been singing in his dreams. This time the words were of encouragement as they reached his ears, they were loud and clear yet soft and loving.

He didn't even fight back when this person helped him return to his confinement known as Nathan's dungeon. When he was laid back down he stared up into eyes he'd so long to see again and had so many things he wanted to ask, but before he could talk.

"Shh Pumpkin. Grant me the pleasure of mending the rip, before you hemorrhage out. Hmm, wouldn't want you to cease in existence, now would we? Little Jim would be sad and so would I."

Kevin only nodded, sadness clear in his eyes as he allowed himself to be turned away to face the other wall. Closing his eyes, he felt gently and slender fingers run over his side, before scissors cut his wrapping and the patch was pulled away from his skin. All of a sudden aloud noise was heard as light filed the room. Imminently his body tensed. He knew that sound as a hand held welding torch.

"Now, relax you. Stress in our current condition, more so with you would be troublesome. I promise it will be all over soon."

He picked up right away that Double D's voice was somewhat breathy like he was trying to calm himself down and now that he was calming himself, he could hear D going through something. He was trying to figure out what it was when he hissed as his wound was wiped with what smelled like rubbing alcohol and the rest of his stitches were taken out. Shit hurt and he was about to ask what the hell the jerk was doing when something was shoved into this mouth.

"Bite down or lose your tongue Pumpkin."

Kevin did not like this one fucking bit and when movement was caught in the light against the wall his nerves were back on high alert as he saw a blade. Eyes widen to realization to what was going to happen. 'Oh the fuck, I don't think so.' Before he could move to get away that hot blanket of safety was wrapped around him as a clammy sweaty hand took his and he was pressed between Eddwards arm and his body.

"This is to assure you get back on your feet faster.

Kevin didn't like it, but he trusted Double D's judgment in this situation, even though other choices in his life were not so good. Taking a deep breath, he squeezed the hand holding his just knowing what was coming, but that didn't help prepare him for the real thing. As soon as the scolding hot blade was pressed over his wound his headshot back, eyes wide, biting as hard as he could on the object between his teeth as his vision went white, his mind stopped and a scream stuck in his throat and his hand death gripped the company one that held him.

The pain was ten times worse than being shot. He felt everything this time. There was no shock to cover up the siring heat against his flesh and just as he thought he rather be dead then feel the excruciating pain his body started to feel heavy and mind became warm and fuzzy. He knew this feeling too well now, yet this time instead of fighting the sensations he rolled in them. He wanting to hug them like they were a physically object with whole. It was as if what he just experienced was a far and distance thing and his mind hazed as his jaw slacked and he gave a goofy grin to the boy staring at him with an expression he couldn't read again. "Dddoouu"

* * *

"Mmhn . . H-he-ya . . . l-liddle Bu-uddy." I choked out through dry lips as I tried to smile. I had been awoken this time to little hands pressing on my face. It seems my son had had enough of my hiding and come down to see me. He was now sitting beside my head and using my cheeks as a toy. When I spoke his face lit up like I was giving him candy this made me chuckle a bit. "Mm l-love yer . . . too . . J-jim."

"D-daddy, wake wake WAKE!" He cheered as he hugged me harder and I cleared my throat trying to get a voice back.

"Y-ye-ah. D-da-dy is up. . . . B-but c-can-n't brea-th. You sn-ugl-ing him . . . m-makes him happy."

As soon as I choked that out, he loosened up and looked at me like he was trying to understand. It took a bit for him to realize what I meant before he wiggled back placing his hands in his lap with his stuffy. Then he grinned that fricken adorable little gap toothy grin at me that made my heart goo. It was hard to wrap around the calmness in him after all that had happened. I was so sure he be a wreck after, but he seemed very content and happy. Which was a relief and a breath of fresh air.

"D-daddy UP! Daddy f-food, food daddy!" He bounced up and down on his legs, making me laugh a bit. This action brought some discomfort. It seemed I was sore still, but I felt a hell a lot better than I did before.

"Y-yeah … mm f-food . . . ss-sounds nice. . .A-areyo-u tell-ling dad-dy to get up aa-and eat?"

My son opened his mouth and closed it before this cute thinking expression popped up and I tried hard not to laugh. I had never seen him do that before, yet it seemed familiar.

"M-mmumy D say eat food . . may budder!"

He looked at me and smiled like he had just won a noble price prize when he had finished his speech. I was so caught off guard not just at the fact he had just called Double D mom, but he had spoken almost a full sentence without freaking out on me. I hadn't even realized I had started to cry, till his little happy expression turned into a frown and he crawled over into my arms that had outstretch to hold him.

"Y-yeah m-mommy D isr-right. . . . Food mma-kes y-you all better. . .T-that daddy can play with his big boy. Daddy is so proud of his little man and what he just said. Daddy loves you, loves you with all his heart."

"J-jim . . wa-wo-wloves daddy." Came a muffled reply from my chest and I felt my heart flutter a those words and more tears slipped past. He hadn't been able to pounce love correctly and hearing he reply back was the most wonderful thing I had ever heard.

"Y-yes, yes daddy loves him and jim loves his daddy. Oh, how much daddy loves his big boy jim." I cuddled with him, before I felt his little hands pushed away and I let go so he could crawl away again.

"F-food daddy . . . food." He smiled at me as he held out his cactus stuffy to pretend it was kissing my face. I laughed at the action before slowly and carefully scooted up to sit and look at him with a smile. "So, has jim eaten?"

He looked at me and shook his head. "No!"

I chuckled at his loud reply as I ran my hand through my greasy hair, and smelled myself as my arms came up. 'God, I stink, gross man.'

"Hey can daddy take a shower, brush his teeth and dress first?" I asked with a smile and he frowned at me. "Haha, alright I get it, Mommy D says eat, right?"

"Yes!" He grinned at me as he wiggled down the bed to get off, walked over to my side, and held his hand out. "Cum!"

I held my laughter in for that one and only grinned at him. "O-ok, ok, hold your needles boy, daddy needs to slowly move."

He nodded, stepping away and let his hand fall before hugging his stuffy to his chest. I pushed the blankets away and was glad there was no blood anywhere in sight. Somebody had been nice enough changed the sheets and that made all the difference in how I was starting my day. I took a deep breath, let my legs moved to the edge of the bed, and sat there staring at my son, who stared back before smiling at me.

"K, daddy is going to attempt to walk, watch out."

He nodded, scrambling over to the safety of the bedroom door, making me laugh again. I took another couple breathes before grabbing the nightstand like before and stood up. My legs were not as wobbly, but they sure weren't as strong as before all this. I stood there for a bit before walking step after careful step over to my son and grabbed the door frame. "Alright big man lead daddy to food."

With that he marched up the stairs like he was on mission and I followed behind him laughing all the way as I held my wound.


	6. Secrets Of His Past Revealed

**Character(s) in Chapter:** Kevin Barr, Jim Barr, Nathan Kedd Goldberg, Eddy, Ai (911 Operator)

**Character Mention in Chapter:** Nazz, Marie, Rolf, Sarah, Jimmy, Ed, Eddward Double D Rockwell, Mother De Vere (D's Birthmom), Gustave Eiffel (D's Mother's Boyfriend), Jasmine Dakota (Journalist covering D's past), Momma&Father Terwood (D's Foster Parents), r!Plank Terwood

**Things to Know: **Aftermath of a Torture and the begging of guy who shot Kevin, Dirty money kinda of, Mental dealings with the shooting aftermath. Mentions of Child Molestation, Rape & Spousal Abuse.

* * *

Two damn wired, yet boring days I've spent sitting on this couch with nothing to do. Not working in the mornings is rough. I had forgotten what to do with free time. Being a dad to a two-year old and working as single parent, doesn't leave much free personal time. Even when you're sleeping your being a parent. It's either dreaming about them or sleeping lightly as to be woken at the slightest creak of the floor.

So, there I was being lazy on my couch and half dozing off when the doorbell rings. I look over a Nat who had his nose stuck in the cartoon show up until that doorbell, which he looks over at me with this look on his face I had never seen before. Then when I think he's going to get up and get it he turns away and keeps watching. I couldn't believe the nerve of him, so I get up and make my merry way over to the door and open it.

I never in my life would have ever guessed this was coming. I was greeting with non-other than the guy who had shot me. He looked like shit; bruises, burns, bandages, cuts, scraps, you name it littered his body. As soon he sees me, he's down on his hands and knees sobbing like a girl. Begging my forgiveness and telling me he's sorry for what he did and it would never happen to anybody again. I'm literally speechless to what the hell the guy is doing here and I am unsure how to respond. I am angry for what he did, yes. But I can't seem to find the nerve to kick him while he's down or forgive him either.

So, instead I decide to look him over to see how much whoever decided to teach this guy a lesson had done to him. After just a bit of listening I feel a presence next to me and before I can say anything Nat's pushing past me and puts his foot on the guy's head and pushes down. "Hehe, look it's a kid. What's up man? Dude, you look like crap, what happened to you?"

Soon as Nathan speaks, the guy freezes and before I know it he's scrambling back like hot water was thrown on him and his eyes are as round as plates as he stares up at Nat, who was just smiling away like there is no care in the world. Then the guy surprises me again as he pulls out a huge white envelope and crawls over to Nat, holding it out as he's begging for mercy. No, I can't believe it. Nat was good. He'd never really hurt a fly, so to believe Nat had done this to him, that couldn't be right. This was beyond an ass whopping, somebody took the time to torture the guy with enough pent-up rage to kill a pack of horses.

"Oh, dude what's this? For me? Oh, you're much too nice bro." He says cheerfully as he takes the package and that is when I see it. Written, no more like carved into his forehead is the name 'Eddward' I step back and the guy bolts away like I just pulled out a gun and he's trying to out-run the bullet. I couldn't believe what I had seen, was dorky double D … now capable of such … such … brutal violence?

After he's out of sight I turned my full attention on Nat who's singing a tone as he counts the cash in the package, like he just got paid the first time on a job.

"Are you responsible for that?"

He looks up at me with that stupid goofy grin on before he laughs. "Nope, have no idea who the guy is or why he just made me rich enough to pay back your underground medical bills. Lucky us, right."

The last three words are said in a tone I couldn't quite decipher and in a way it frightens me. I'd never seen Nat act like that in all the time I've known him. After that he's back to normal as he hurries away to the living-room where he jumps on the couch and starts making weird noises at my son who is all too happy to see his uncle doing things that will get him in trouble.

If you think that was the end of that weird day yesterday, you are completely wrong. I got one other surprise with that. Later that night Nazz and her underground girlfriend show up. Later on Nat exchanges the money right in front of Nazz when they think I'm out watching Tv. Nazz says something and Nat shakes his head and she frowns. They all seemed to know the same thing and I'm the only one out of the loop here.

After that, everything is back to normal for the most part for the rest of that night. So here, we are today and it seeming very normal again like it had that morning. Nat stays home with me instead of disappearing like yesterday, which I can only guess was because of what happen. But, that guys wounds and bruises were already scabbing as new ones formed. But even the new ones were a day or so old.

So, I think everything's fine and dandy until my best friend turns to me. "Ima go grocery shopping, this place is in need of good grub, bro."

I couldn't really say that was weird, because there was just an Ad on the Tv for grocery shopping. It's just that it's so out of nowhere, but then again it's Goldberg. So, instead of arguing I just tell him whatever and give him the list I had made that we needed and tell him to pick out some cool new things. As I'm joking with him at the door, good old Rolfy boy makes his way over and Nat decides it's time to leave. Him and Nat give each other a quick smile before Nat walks over to his car and Rolf makes his way over to me. It was surprising because usually there very talkative when interacting and today they seemed so normal. Shit weirded me out.

"Hello Casanova Kevin-boy. You have been restored from the realities of your sacrifice, yes, good!"

He says this as he shoves a shoebox into my chest, before I even have time to grab it. Lucky I have fast reflexes as I watch him go down the hall calling for my son. As I'm closing the door I hear the sounds of scratching in the box. This catches me off guard as I didn't know anything alive was in it.

"Yo Rolf, this better not be some creep creature, dude!"

I can hear him going on about his country, so I decide to find out what's in the box. I'm greeted with baby chickens huddled in a corner. There actually pretty damn cute, never had animals because of the fear that Jim would have some kinda allergic reaction or hurt himself. Baby chickens seem to be cool and safe.

One black one has these blotchy white lines, I guess you could call them lines, and then there is a reddish-brown one that seems to hover over the black one. I'm getting a feeling they have an obvious statement to be made, but I plan on ignoring all outside influence on my thinking.

When I enter the living room again, Rolf is telling one of his crazy stories with hand gestures and everything as my son watches in awe with his stuffies. I'm not really into the stories, because more than half the time I have no idea what he's talking about. But the guys a good friend, so I try to pay attention.

This seems to go on for hours and I'm starting to fall asleep, weird dreams assured to happen. When he suddenly looks at his watch and says some more crazy things before he gives my son a hug and I'm back at the door saying goodbye. Again, this is Rolf, not so strange at all for this to happen if it hadn't been for an half an hour later for Jimmy and Sarah to showed up.

Now things were starting to seem overly planned, not just a coincidence as they entered the house like it was theirs, and of course Jim was overjoyed to see his aunty and uncle. They had been like Nazz, the most to give in helping us get back on my feet and have done so much for my son. They were like the grandparents he never had that spoiled their grand-kids. Never would I call Sarah or Jimmy grandparents to their faces though. Age to them is important for a fashion thing, I guess, more so than normal.

Jimmy had been gone all year for fashion shows for work and he had finally come home for our traditional summer get together. It had been a packed in honor and celebrate our childhood as friends as the kids we once were. At least that was what was said after Edd left. It lasted one summer before one or two of them couldn't make it and it was never the same without the dorky D. This year was different as we were all back together. Everybody would here for the summer including Double D.

This time Sarah had brought my son educational toys and Jimmy new styles of clothes for his condition. It was hard to find clothes that worked for him and with Jimmy being in the fashion world it wasn't needed. I'm lucky as hell to have them to give my son only the best, but I wish I could afford to do it myself. Even with the shop and side gig at the bar I only make enough most the time to pay off bills for the shop and get the basic needs to have a life for me and my son. Nat pays the bills here along with extra food, alcohol, and random shit when he wants to do something nice for me or Jim. It's true when they say life as a past criminal with no college degree doesn't get you very far.

The two stick around for an hour, before they have to leave and I find it weird that when Sarah mentions her bother coming home from his college Art school there isn't extreme excitement over Double D being back. To be honest they avoid anything that has to do with the dork. They seem to be avoiding that just like everybody else that has come by. I can't wrap my head around this all this shit happening lately. I haven't seen the other since he held me and fixed me up. His house has been empty of human life since that night.

"U-uncle, uncle home daddy!"

It was these words that drew me out of my thoughts to hear Nathan turning off his vehicle. He was sure gone a long ass time because my son was doing his happy dance. He was a little weird in a very cute way. When me or Nat are gone a long time during the day when we get home he knows the sound of our vehicles and will bounce on his butt in excitement as he tells the other person in the room their back and won't stop until the person who has return has picked him up and showed him in kisses.

As much as I liked watching him, I thought it be nice to go out and greet the moron and help him carry the stuff in. So with a grunt I get up and make my way to the front door to open it. I catch a small tail end of a convocation he's having with a worried look on his face. It doesn't last long as he hangs up and notices me and it's all smiles again. "Heya bro! I see your walking around nicely. Wanna come help me take these things in, dude?"

I'm going to ask him about the phone call, but he interrupts me. "Dude, don't worry Eddward said you should be able to carry around thing like groceries and Jim starting today seeing as your recovery is doing so well. Work at the shop can happen lightly in another two days. Are you excited, bro!"

He grins at me as he picks up two heavy-looking bags. But I'm no longer ready for jokes. I wanna know how he knows and why the hell he's talking to the Edd when I can't even do it. He's just met him and he thinks he can just make nice with my dork! "So you have spoken to him Goldberg? How come I haven't seen him and the fuck gives you the right over me?"

It's very quiet after my rage and we say nothing to each other, I can't even see his expression, because he's pretending that something in the back of his vehicle is more interesting. "Nah man, he told me that before he left that day. You know just reassuring your worries bro, no need to snap at me Kevin."

I know he's lying, Nat sucks at lying. He's the worst liar I have ever met and yet as mad as I felt I am thankful for that and the fact he just tried to. I understand that he's lying to protect me and it lets me know he cares, so I'll wait until he's ready to tell me. So to assure him were cool I walk over and pat him on the head before ruffling his hair like a dog.

"Whatever it's cool. I'm ready for some heavy lifting. Wouldn't want you to go and hurt yourself, buddy."

It most causes the treatment and sarcastic words of insult would of pissed a guy off. He's different he just laughs at my actions and plays along with me until were quietly putting away the groceries in a silence that's not awkward, but it's kinda heavy. Like he wants to say something, but he can't. When were done, I make myself a sandwich and we sit down to watch a documentary my son is watching. This time it has nothing to do with Cactus and for that, I am glad.

An hour or so passes when the doorbell rings and Nat seems to shift uncomfortably as it does and makes no move to get up again. Ok, now even more irritated about this whole situation of everybody knowing shit I don't. After what happened with the guy this morning I decide looking through the keyhole is the best option. What if the guy's posse decides to come after me for 'Eddwards' shit ravage. Does he even think about anybody, but himself now?

This is my last rational thought of anger as the minute I go to look through the keyhole that night of being shot flashes through my head. Suddenly the door isn't there and I'm staring directly into the brawl of a gun. My body tenses my common sense flies away along with my sanity. My hands are clammy and sweaty, my bodies heavy, I can't scream even though I can feel it coming and my feet won't move. I feel like I'm about to break down and cry when two little warm arms wrap around my leg.

At first I jump, the need of fight or flight crosses my mind, then I hear my son mumble into my pant leg and I visibly relax into his weak grip. I close my eyes as I breathe in and out to calm down the panic before I look down at him. His eyes tell me he knows I'm scared and that it's ok. My son really knows how to pick out a person's emotion, even when you're great at hiding it or he doesn't understand.

As soon as I see this look, I suddenly feel like crying, but I don't wanna upset him so I choke down the need to and I smile down at him to reassure I got the message. Closing my eyes a minute, I finally have the stomach to look again. This time it's just a keyhole and Eddy is in my view. I feel him let go and I hear his feet making their way back to the living room. When he's far enough not to hear I decide to open the door.

"What the hell do you want Dork?" I bark, but it has no bite.

"Hey shovel chin, good to see you on your feet. A little swim captain told me you went and got yourself shot. So, I decided to be nice and add to the collection of get well gifts why I make fun of you."

I stare at him for a moment like he just spoke a different language and I'm trying to decode it, when a yellow envelope is shoved into my hands. It's a bit heavy with something, at least one object that I can tell. As soon as he does this, he turns around to leave. Guess he decided not to make fun of me, but I'm not done with him just yet. I want a fucking answer nobody will give me.

"I'm guessing you've spoken to him?"

He stops, but doesn't look back. "Eddy, have you seen Double D!?"

He turns to me this look on his face, just like everybody else I mention his name to. It's an unreadable expression, that pissing me off. I believe he's going to ignore me as he turns around, but he stops walking just as he reaches this car door.

"Here's a little advice, make a mistake you're labeled right away. After a bad brand of shame, shit gets inside your head and makes you believe you're unworthy. Sounding a little familiar and close to home, right? Wait, listen don't miss this Jug-head. I know it's hard to think with a head made from bronze and no brains, but no matter what you're branded in life everybody deserves a second chance. But remember it takes to two to tango."

I'm caught off guard again, that seems to happening a lot lately with his 'advice' as I watch him drive off. I don't know how long I end up standing at my door before I finally snap out of my daze to go back in and sit down. When I do my roommate says nothing simply stares at the package before he makes eye contact for a moment then quickly turns away. He's quiet again; he's too damn quiet for him not to know what is in here. Now, I know their fucking plotting against me it's not just paranoia and shit.

"You got something to fucking say Nathan Kedd Goldberg?" I snap at him using his full name because I'm pissed.

I forget my sons just at my feet as Nat gaps at me, before he frowns. "Dude, two-year old alert! I think we both know you don't want him learning that shit, right bro."

* * *

After he snaps back he's done with me as he turns away and pretends I don't exists. Well fuck him and everybody else at this fucking moment. What a bunch of good fucking friends they are. Their treating me like a fucking child that can't handle my shit and I'm about fucking done with that.

I wanna leave, but I can't. I got my son and as mad as I am, I can't just do that. I sigh in irritation and rub my face. The movement jars the package and reminds me it's there. Now I sit there debating on opening this thing. When curiosity gets me, I open it up and inside is a recorder and newspaper clippings pinned together. I decide to take out the clipping first since I can't understand why the hell that dork would give me this shit.

Well that's not until I decide to read the first headline…. FRESHMAN BLUDGEONS SCHOOL FRIENDS STEP FATHER, AFTER HE BEAT HIS WIFE AND RAPED HIS SON. Reading that line, I feel my stomach clench up with a sour taste in my mouth. I'm going to be sick even though I haven't been told who this clipping is about. But I can't find it in myself to stop reading. I have to know! I've always wondered what had happened to him and even more so now that he's come back the way he is.

I've forgotten all about my half eaten sandwich as close my eyes for a moment before I open them and I read on. Blue Creek police are called in after 911 operator Al, gets a call from the residence of 264 Morn Dr on a live rape, beating and confession. When police arrive at the residence, they are greeted by 14yr old Eddward Marion De Vere the alleged rape victim, 15yr old Plank Terwood the suspect and 45yr old Fátima Arroyo, the child's mother. After that police went into the child's bedroom where they were met with the gruesome budged victim, 32yr old Gustave Eiffel and alleged child molester.

"VICTIM! ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME!" I cried out before I realized what I had said and quietly apologized to my son who looked startled and Nathan who was raising an eyebrow at me, before going back to my clippings.

I was disgusted and enraged at what the journalist-fucking put. How the fuck is that sick piece of shit a victim in all this? Who the fuck calls a rapist a victim for getting exactly what the sick bastard deserved? Oh, I wish I could ring this bitch's neck. Not only does she call the sick fuck a victim, but she puts Double D's shit on the front page like he's being given the noble peace prize. Who the fuck outs a person whose was raped? That's fucking sick and humiliating! I'd become who he is now too if I had to deal with everybody's eye's on me about my lost innocence. I'd feel dirty and like everybody was judging me.

After my outburst, Nathan gets the hint that being home isn't a good idea. So, him and my son end up going to Nazz's place. I was grateful he had done this but I wish if he really know what this was all about that he'd left sooner. Moving on to the next clipping it's somewhat nicer, but again that fucking bitch rubs Double D's face in his past.

VICTIM OF RAPE FINDS NEW LOVING HOME. My bloods boiling by now. Serious? Are you fucking serious? Will you fucking let it go you disheartening bitch. Who the fuck keeps referring to somebody as a fucking victim. He's still alive, victims are dead! He's a fucking survivor and the strongest fucking person I have ever known. I bet you not even 90% of the guys in fucking forces or shit could handle an emotional blow like that.

As I read on, I get to know a little about that Plank guy. He was a junior of grades just high enough to get him by. He's rumored to be a school bully, but his family name keeps him out of trouble. It seems the Terwood's are well-known for their money and are big names in their community. That part explained a lot about why Dorky D is who he was known. It wasn't just his trauma's fault. As much as I don't wanna say or feel this way, I could bet you half my life it was because he grew up under wealthy parents who were never around.

Sure, I'm not saying we aren't to blame for our own mistakes. But I do have partial thanks to my rich mother who divorced my father, so he never had time to be around. So, I grow to think I could do whatever I wished and never had anything or anybody to tell me when I was getting over my head.

The next clipping the lady is not the journalist, thank goodness. No the clipping wasn't even on Double D. This report was on the fucking bitch herself. Headline reads, JOURNALIST JASMINE DAKOTA CLAIMS HARRASSMENT OF OLDEST TERWOOD. AFTER HEADLINE'S ON DE VERE BOY ARE PUBLISHED. I could see that happening, guy looked like he wouldn't take kindly to this things being touched or messed with. Sometimes I wonder if I have a brain at all. I shake off what I just thought and move on to read that she farther claims she has evidence that Plank Terwood has harassed and beaten anybody who even remotely looked at his step brother wrong. Police investigated, but found no such evidence or victims to these so-called crimes.

I couldn't help but laugh at her, despite how bad it was to do such a thing. The bitch got what she deserved in my mind and I am sure many of these people reading this thought so too. It's not like he killed anybody. He had just showed them the same treatment they had been given. The next was also about that women and the fact she had been sued for every penny she owned after slandering the name Terwood name with no proof.

Cool, but I really could care less to what the hell happened to that women. Was it his way of brushing out the skeletons hidden in the deep dark depths of his closet? If it was, I would have liked to hear it from his mouth instead of in newspaper clippings from money-grubbing short stuff.

The next collection of newspaper clippings were of the new and improved Eddward Double D Rockwell. Most of them were about getting into the swim team and rising quickly to the tops as their swim captain. It was nice to see some good clippings for the dorky after all those horrible things, yet this was only what he allowed the world to see. Behind that smiling trophy king was a dark, hurt and depressed guy.

"HEYA MAN, YOU OK?"

Before I could reply to big mouth, he hurries into the living room and stares at me. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Well dude, you seemed pretty pissy about an hour ago." He shrugs his eyes moving to my lap.

"Hour? Has it been that long? Damn, how is my son? Having fun with Aunty Nazz?"

Nathan smiles like a fool as I asked and he went on telling me all that had happened and I just laughed. It was nice to get some warm feelings going in my body after all that. "Hey Nat, I got one last thing to look at so stick around, cool."

As soon as I said that his face dropped, he simply nodded, and he headed off to the bedroom. I really can't get my head around him lately. I dug into the envelope and pulled out the recorder. I was wondering what it was, but the warning tag on it made me feel sick again and I should of taken heed to the big red letters, before I played it.

"Nine One One Operator Al, what's your emergency?"


	7. A Second Chance Given'

**Character(s) in Chapter:** Kevin Barr, Eddward Double D Rockwell, Random Rep Women, Random Police Officers.

**Character Mention in Chapter:** Nathan Kedd Goldberg, Nazz, Marie Kanker, Eddy

**Things to Know: **Rehab, Drug Mention, Beating Mention.

**Note:** Hope my wonderful sort of ending satisfies you all. I call it a sort of ending because it's not really an ending; it's just a closing chapter. I wanna be able to go back and either write a squeal or short stories to go with this story of their future together.

* * *

Pissed couldn't even cover how fucking anger he was at this moment. Enraged was more like the emotion he was feeling. Yet again deep down, Kevin was strangely all broken inside as worry and hurt started to seep through the cracks. He couldn't understand all these raw emotions Double D could bring forth in him. It had been that way since that night he found the kid about to have his head smashed in with a bottle. Since then everything dealing with the nerdy/germ phobic dweeb made him feel like a shoe tossed into the dryer alone to bounce around from side to side against hard metal walls.

And the reason for all these new emotions was no thanks to Eddy and his get well gift of pain. The recording had been so bad he had been physically ill for hours after it. He'd never in his life had such a bad panic attack or whatever it was. He felt like he'd been there watching and unable to help him and he shook so bad in anger and fear for the whole thing, covering his ears to the Dweebs screams that echoed in his head.

After he had recovered, he tracked down Eddy, beat the shit out of him until he told him where Double D was, and then left without word. Now he stood outside the front of a large building called, Blue Creak Treatment Center. Kevin didn't understand how all this shit worked, but he was going to see Double D if he had to take down a fat wanna-be-guard and run around screaming his name until he showed.

Taking a couple deep breaths to calm his racing heart and mind, he walked in and looked around. It looked normal he guessed, he'd never been to a rehab center before. So, he had no idea what they were supposed to be like. The ones he'd seen on celebrity news looked like fricken condo's you rent on vocation. This did not look like condominium, but it was one of the best in the area.

The inside was big and comfortable looking like a nice hotel lobby and there was a girl sitting behind a large desk. Spotting her he made his way over trying his hardest to smile and look like he didn't wanna beat the shit out of somebody. When he got up to the desk, she looked up as she popped her gum and shuffled through crap on her desk before putting a clipboard with paper on the counter in front of him with all this shit written on it with a pen. She then went back to her convocation to some person on the phone about gossip or some shit like that.

'Your shitty me.' His jaw tightened as he read the paper and yanked the note out before tearing it up and placing it back on her desk. This was beyond annoying and fucking rude. After learning about where Double D had been he looked the place up and learned how fucking expensive it was just to be seen. And this little bitch was going to treat him like he just entered some, he didn't even know. He was treated better at roach motels in his past.

"Excuse me miss . . ." He narrowed his eyes as he read her name tag- "Brit, but I would like a moment of your oh so fucking precious time, if you could spare me some."

He snapped as he looked down at his text. One was from Nathan, asking him where the hell he was and the other from Nazz asking why Eddy had been beaten up? But he answered neither as he looked up to glare at the receptionist who had just spoken.

"What was that you just said, wanna say it to my face you little bitch?" He snapped. He had her heard on the phone speak, through his thoughts, to the other person she was speaking to and he didn't care what he said at the moment.

"If you keep using that language sir I will have to call security." She replied in whatever voice.

"Sure and why you're at it, you can call your fucking boss. So, I can tell them what a shitty little cunt you are."

With those words, she seemed to back down and Kevin felt pretty happy with himself as she sighed. "Sir, my name's Brittany and I'm at your every beck and call, how my I help you."

'Shit, even when trying she sucks and that smile is creepy.' "Well since you spoke to me so nicely, Brit and even said you'd be at my every beck and call; I wanna see one of your patients Eddward Double D Rockwell."

She raised a knowing eyebrow and went to work on her computer, before looking up. "Sorry good sir, but visitation are strictly to those are the list. May I have your name."

"Kevin Barr"

She looked up something and frowned. "I'm sorry sir; I can't allow you to visit. It strictly says not to allow you to see this patient."

"I don't give a fuck if the president wrote that shit. I wanna see Double D NOW."

She stood up to stand her short little ground. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave, dude."

"Did you just fucking dude, me? Serious, what kinda professional dudes their customers? Now before you have some smart-ass retort, I'm going to say this again nice and clear. If I don't get to see D, I will find my way around without your help."

He'd been so focused on the problem right at hand he failed to notice the presence that had made himself known quietly. The two were staring down at each other and she was about to say something when a voice spoke up.

"Greeting pumpkin, how nice to see you getting all heated over my case."

Kevin whirled around to stare at a figure leaning against the wall close by his head back and eyes closed. He could feel the anger soften slightly. He wanted to hate and rage at this idiot. But when he saw him; he saw the guy who had held him when he cried, fixed him when he was broken and taught his kid how to say I love Daddy.

"The bitch wouldn't let me see you." He replied in a softer tone, then just minutes ago.

"Language Kevin and I assure you, she was only doing her job." His voice was unemotional and he still hadn't bothered to look at Kevin or even open his eyes.

Despite his warm feeling that was irritating and just proved Eddies words even more true, this hurt. He had been so sure that the short shit had been mistaken about the fact, but Eddward refusing to open his eyes and look at him said more than words could ever say. He clenched his hands and stood his ground.

"Assuring her job huh? So, I'm guessing it's their job to let rehab patrons be visited by their drug dealer, so they can get high when the withdrawal is too much for them?" Kevin's words bit back a seeping malice in them.

"You believe you know everything, but I assure you that you do not." Was the retort Eddward came up with, still refusing to look at Kevin despite opening his eyes.

"If I don't know everything, look at me Double D . . . prove to me that I don't and that these people aren't complete fucking idiots who don't really give a shit about you, that they don't just want your money."

Kevin's voice pleaded to be proven wrong, he wanted so bad to see normal pupils staring back at him. But D made no move to comply with his request and Kevin's short anger turned to a saddening hurt. "See, you can't even man up to your own shit. If you didn't care, you wouldn't be here. You would be telling people to fuck off that it's your life and what you do is your choice."

Eddward turned to him anger smoldering in his eyes. Even from where Kevin stood he could tell his pupils were dilated from the effects of his high. "I don't fucking care! My presence here is not for myself, but the fact I was assured they could keep morons like you out and away from me."

He had never heard Double D curse before and now that had been at least the second curse word uttered around the redheads presence, since their first meeting. "You can't even lie to yourself D. You try so hard to hide behind that bad boy imagine. But deep down your real self is watching and crying out for that one person to see you for who you really are."

Edd stomped over, clenched fists and through a blow the minute he was close enough. Kevin took the hit, spitting out the blood onto the floor. He could see the stormy eyes glossed over, trying so hard to fight back that pain he had buried deep down under all the hate for the world around him.

"Yeah, hit me D. I know you're upset. I know you blame me for what happen dude. If I had opened my mouth that day, you wouldn't be here. No, you might be somewhere else in the world, doing something else that made you happy or worse you could be dead! But you know what we'd never know, because nobody knows their own future. You just have to be strong and try your best to survive whatever life throws at you."

He came at Kevin again, this time he lowered his shots, hitting him repeatedly with all the anger, before he was simply trying so hard to hold on to the shirt that belonged to the body that was his only ground, so he wouldn't fall under the weight of his own pain.

Kevin knew playing strong and becoming this person was a cry for help. It was a persona to help deal with all that he was put through, so that he wouldn't crack and break. But that persona was eating his real life and the lines between who he real was and the person he had become to protect that weak self were beginning to blur together.

"It's ok Double D, I understand you hate me and I as much as I wanna say I can understand what you been through, I can't. But, I'm here now and I'm willing to give us a second chance, if you so want that."

Kevin was sure he would get a weak yes, but instead the body clinging to him let go and he only had a moment to think before a palm met his face. He stubbed back holding his nose as his gaze met dark, tear filled eyes.

"FUCK YOU! What do you know, huh? Have you truly rationalized my objections as wanting a second try? What would even give a delusion as insignificant and silly as that?" He spat out coldly as he pointed an accusing hand in Kevin's direction.

"WHAT DO I UNDERSTAND? WHY WOULD I BELIEVE YOU WANTED THAT SECOND CHANCE?" Kevin yelled back as he made his way over and grabbed Double D by the front of his shirt. They glared back at each other, neither wanting to back down and give up.

"I'll tell you what I fucking understand. You Double D come back to live right across from your past, after all this time. You could of livid anywhere you wanted, but you went back to that place that started it all. What the hell does that tell me dude?" Kevin snapped back.

"Oh, I don't know . . . the possibility that I have the right as a human being! Have you ever considered, that there is a chance I enjoyed that place? Come on Barr, I know your brain is tiny, but please use reason before action." Eddward sarcastically replied as he pried the hands clenched on him off to stumble away to safety.

"No, D . . . nobody would choose to just walk into a past that was the reason for their suffering unless their crying for help. Unless there is a certain reason that brought them back and it's because they know that reason holds the key to ending their suffering." He calmly stated as he gazed at the police watching them that had showed up. It was nice to see they could argue so far without having it interrupted, maybe a new healing process?

"I have no basis NOR do I need a CAUSE to do whatever I please! AND I sure as hell don't need YOU, who I might add went back after departing as well, to tell me what the FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!"

Kevin felt sorry, he really did pity this dork at the moment. For somebody as smart as Double D to become like this, was humiliating in its own way.

"Your right, I did go back. I have a son to take care of, I have friends here that helped me get back on my feet and lifted me from that dark desolate place I was calling home. I was no longer just me at stake. I have to care of another now, that can't just go and take care of themselves. I couldn't go around making the same mistakes over and over, because I was unwilling ask for help with words."

Eddward stood there for a moment, before whipping the tears from his eyes as anger shown again. "You have a mother and father Kevin, who have always been there. You have no other justified statement to your actions then to wallow in the past, which is no longer there!"

Kevin's face dropped with that statement and his jaw clenched. He had to keep telling himself Double D didn't know, he didn't know what they had done. "Yeah, wish that statement was true D. I wish I could say I had parents that loved me no matter what. You aren't the only one left to struggle on your own, because they failed at being that parental protection no matter what."

Eddwards mouth opened to reply before he closed it. Kevin could see he had shut up that cocky mouth with something that hit to close to home, because new tears had found their way to his beautiful cyan eyes.

"But, you know what I don't care, not anymore at least. I use it to help built my daddy skills, so that my child never has to feel that pain. So, that no matter what happens to him, he will know I love him and I will do anything in my power to protect him until I take my last breath. And that night after my accident, I saw that strong parental fire burn through those beautiful eyes that told me I'm clean, even if it was just a short time; not because you couldn't get the product, but because for that moment my child's safety was far more important the need to be high."

Kevin smiled as he spoke, stepping forward and holding out his hands as Double D stared at him with a shocked look and tears running down his cheeks.

"I-I don't know what gave you that impression, for I was only settling the debt you left me at that point in time with. I want nothing to do with the lives of you or your offspring. I need not to change who I am, due to there being nothing amiss with me. I demand no resolution, because I am whom I love. I am independent; nobody can hurt me the way I am and I will never allow anybody take that from me!"

Yet despite his words, he let Kevin wrap his arms tightly around him and he sobbed into his chest. Laying his head on D's he spoke with his heart. He wished no longer to hide how he felt for the other and he wanted his decision on the future made loud and clear.

"It's ok, I won't speak your words for you dude and I'll allow you to decide to take the second step. Just remember everybody deserves a second chance, no matter what society labels him or her as. I'm not asking you to become weak and change you who are. I'm asking you the exact opposite. I asking you to grow strong and admit you need help, I'm asking you to show the world who you really are, instead of hiding behind somebody that you have hid behind so long you've forgetting just who you were.

I'm letting you know that asking for help doesn't not take away your independence nor is anybody allowed to hurt you, if you don't let them. I may not be able to protect you from everything, but I can sure as hell be there for you when your battered, bruised ego and body comes back.

I learned that when your mom hit you, I learned that when you were driven away from me, I learned that when I watched my best friend's love of his life die right before our eyes on stage, ina sick and gruesome fate. Some of us are never given that second chance in life; you were the one that told me that Edd. Don't be one of those people who waste that chance.

I'll wait Double D, you have until the end of your month's rent. If I haven't seen you by that time, I'll have my answer. I will no longer wait, I will no longer pray, your second chance will be over and your be forever be lost. . . . That is a promise."

With that, he slipped Eddwards hat up just slightly and kissed the start of scar on his forehead, before walking past him and leaving him to decide his future.

* * *

Almost two months had passed, the time nearing the end of the lease was almost up and he hadn't seen or heard hide of Eddward. Nathan become more busy with whatever was preoccupying his life. Nazz was making big plans with her girlfriend, about having a baby. Sarah was helping her big brother with something about comics. Jimmy was doing a huge photo shot project with a name brand company. Rolf was doing Rolf things, like taking care of his house and his animals with his girlfriend; who Kevin still hadn't gotten to meet. Him on the other hand was burying himself in being a clingy daddy and workaholic when Nazz or Nat could spare some free time.

Nobody said anything to Kevin about D's vanishing act and he had stopped bring it up after the scene they had made in the rehab center. It was like none of it had happened, no matter how clear the pictures; it was like it was only fiction or an imperfectly formed contradiction. Well, at least that would had be nice to think, but every time he got undressed in the mirror he was presented with a beautiful scar from the bullet that opened and the knife that sealed him up. Reminding him of the night, he was right there with him. So close yet so far away still and every time he saw it a little more of his heart broke.

"Kev, you ready dude?"

Kevin stopped looking at the scar on his side and sighed before throwing the shirt he was holding on and butting it up. Hit outfit wasn't anything special, just a black button up and his leather pants thrown on last moment that seemed clean enough. After he was done, he looked at the red cap and grabbed it as he raced out the room and down the stairs. Kissing his sons smiling face and saying goodbye to Nazz he mounted his bike and headed to the bar.

The place was packed more so than normal, which was nice. A heavy crowed always dissipated those lingering thoughts that Kevin had of Eddward giving that second chance up. He was back stage at the moment with his group, well the group he happened to be working with tonight. He didn't actually have a band or anything, too much responsibility he didn't have time for. So, groups needing a singer or guitarist used him during the summer months when Nazz was down here to watch his kid.

He could feel the energy of the bar from back here and he was feeling a little ecstatic, he was unsure what was so special tonight, but at this moment he didn't care. He just wanted to get on stage and sing his heart out. It was cool that the bands who had him singing always allowed him to pick the song he was in the mood for that night and tonight he'd picked a new song, he'd written it that night of his and D's fight. It was going to be one of those nights he was going to sing his heart out and go home drunk as hell. Though, he wouldn't be driving his bike home, he was cool with that. He took a taxi set up for him and the bike would be moved in here for the night.

After he was done helping the guys out making sure everything was fixed up he heard them called. He fist bumped them before making their way up on stage to set up. He was standing at his mike bouncing on his toes as he waited for the guys to get in place. When they were done, the lights on the stage turned, the crowd cheered and he waved with a smile. He looked back at the guy starting the melody and he held out his hand to count the beat before he through his hand down and he went back to face the crowed. His voice came over the mike and he sung with all his heart as he swayed to the music.

"My best friend gave me the best advice, he said each day's a gift and not a given right. Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind. And try to take the path less traveled by. That first step you take is the longest stride!"

He took the mike off the stand and started to bounce around the stage as he the music picked up. "If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late. Could you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like your last? Leave old pictures in the past? Donate every dime you have? If today was your last day?"

As the music slowed down again he kicked his feet against the floor and shuffled back to the forgotten mike. (If today was your last day) "Against the grain should be a way of life. What's worth the prize is always worth the fight. Every second counts 'cause there's no second try. So, live like you'll never live it twice. Don't take the free ride in your own life!"

He took the mike off the stand and started to bounce around the stage as the music picked up, but his bounce faltered when a figure in the back caught his attention and his heart soared. And like new life was burning though him he sung, oh god Kevin sung, sung like if he'd didn't sing the world would end.

"If today was your last day? And tomorrow was too late? Could you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like your last? Leave old pictures in the past? Donate every dime you have? Would you call old friends you never see? Reminisce old memories? Would you forgive your enemies? Would you find that one you're dreamin' of? Swear up and down to God above, that you finally fall in love? If today was your last day?"

And as the song made took a moment of music he took the mike, hopped off the stage and song his way through the crowed, high fiveing as he kept his eyes locked on ones locked on his as he passed ever pretty girl up in that bar that would want nothing better to take him home of the night.

"If today was your last day? Would you make your mark, by mending a broken heart? You know it's never too late, to shoot for the stars, regardless of who you are. So, do whatever it takes! Cause you can't rewind, a moment in this life. Let nothin' stand in your way, Cause the hands of time are never on your side!"

By the time he reached his second chance, it was time to head back to the stage as the last chorus was going to be sung. So, with I mind he took the other's hand and pulled him along, despite his protest . On his returned to the stage he sung as he walked back, never wanting to break the stare he held with the one he loved.

"If today was your last day? And tomorrow was too late? Could you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like your last? Leave old pictures in the past? Donate every dime you have?"

By this time, his partner had given up protest and a smirk sliding over his perfect lips. Just as he did, he pulled Kevin close; one arm wrapped around his arm to help hold the mike, why the other wrapped around Kevin's waist to hold the small of his back as they both sung into the mike.

"Would you call old friends you never see? Reminisce old memories? Would you forgive your enemies? Would you find that one you're dreamin' of? Swear up and down to God above, that you finally fall in love? (Finally fall in love) If today was your last day?"

They walked together letting the rhythm of music be their guide as they danced to the music like a tango just the two knew. A body to body, heart to heart, soul to soul tango that left them forgetting just where they were and the only thing they saw was the utter look in each eyes that was unweaving love and devotion to a future they couldn't deny each other anymore.


End file.
